Hi everyone.
I guess I’m here just looking for some advice really or just to get my words out to someone.
My mother (now in her 70’s) has bowel cancer about 12 years ago then moved to Portugal once she finished surgery and treatment but stopped seeing anyone for follow ups once she moved. She’s recently been ill with a huge amount of weight loss, similar symptoms that she had prior to the original cancer diagnosis such as stomach cramps, diarrhoea and sickness and really isn’t eating much at all, so I suspect that the cancer has come back but she is refusing to see any doctors.
She was recently admitted to hospital in Portugal as she collapsed and was severe anaemia and required a blood transfusion and then medication. Once the medication had run out she then refused to go back for the follow ups.
In reality I think she knows the cancer is back and is ignoring it or has decided she doesn’t want to do anything about it. The issue is she is living alone in Portugal and doesn’t want to move back to England so is basically sat at home on her own all day as she now can not leave the apartment on her own. She has a cleaner who comes once a week and that’s pretty much all the social contact she has!
We are with her this week and it’s shocking how much she has deteriorated. We took her out shopping and it was too much for her even going very slowing, taking lots of rest and sting down frequently after an hour we drove her back home again.
I’m really not sure what else to do now other than support her in her choice. We’ve had a brief discussion that we should prepare for the worst but that’s about it. I want to discuss making a funeral plan but not sure how to start the discussion as I know nothing will be arranged and in Portugal the time between death and burial/cremation is only 3 days and living apart this will not be easy to arrange I am sure.
I know most people won’t have experienced anything similar so sorry if you took the time to read the post. Even just explaining to someone helps a little as I feel I am trying to hold it all together as my brother doesn’t have any contract anymore and my sister stays in contact but doesn’t seem to see the severity of it all.
Hi DEUK2605and welcome to the Online Community but so sorry to hear about your mum A cancer diagnosis like this in the family can be such a challenging and stressful time but reaching out to the community will give you the opportunity to ask questions and getting support from others who are on the ‘exact’ same journey.
The Community is actually divided into Support Groups (Discussion Rooms) and when it comes to the practical and emotional challenges of supporting family and friends you may benefit from joining our Carers only and Supporting someone with incurable cancer support groups where you will connect with others navigating the exact same support challenges.
To join a group first click on the “Bold Links” I have created above then once the group page opens click on “Click to Join” when the black banner appears or “Join” under “Group Tools” (this all depends on the device you are using)
You can then put up your own post when you’re ready by clicking “+new” or “+” in the top right next to the group title. You can copy and paste the text from this post into your new post. You can also scroll through other members posts and click “Reply” to get involved.
Our Support Line teams are available 7 days a week, 8am-8pm on freephone 0808 808 00 00, email or live webchat where you will find one of team there to help you out. We also have our Ask an Expert section but do allow a few working days for a reply.
Do get back to me if you need further help.
