I've lurked for a little while in various forums. I almost posted, but then didn't, because I felt absolutely okay. Today, I don't. I'm distracted, tense in my shoulders, anxious, approaching tearfulness (fine if i don't talk about 'it'). I'm at work - physically, brain is elsewhere. I feel so fortunate that I've managed to stay upbeat for the last two weeks. In part probably down to having dealt with a significant number of traumatic 'stuff' in the past, that I tend to be quite good at hunkering down until the storm has passed. Well, that storm arrives here, tomorrow...
I was referred on the 2WW pathway a couple of weeks ago, my appointment is in morning. I had a minor wobble on first 1-2 days, but since, i've just been getting on with things and as i said, felt just fine with waiting. I've been checking every day to make sure it's still there - Panicking a couple of days ago when i thought i'd 'lost' it. Just turns out that I was due on my period, which made things feel a bit different - I couldn't have timed my first mammogram better than the week i have tender boobs 
anyway - it gives me something to roll my eyes at and be light hearted about.
Does anyone resonate with the feeling of making a mountain out of a mole hill. I hate fuss. What if it's nothing, then great right. But i'll still feel like a bit of a prat for worrying and wasting time and resource of my GP and clinical staff - Although its totally normal, I almost feel embarrassed - That's so weird!
Then there's the constant flip/flop of emotions and thoughts. On one hand, there's me with all those cliche irrational worries, and right there next to them, is me(!) with all the cliche rational thoughts. I'm actually going a bit mad. And it's all totally normal, and completely forgivable. And yet - despite my calm exterior - the person in my office who keeps sneezing is really going to get it 
I won't list on about where it is and how it feels, largely because I know cancer can take any forms (big/small, hard/soft, fixed/moveable). I guess I'm just here and introducing myself because I know feel a bit out of my depth - it's peculiar, when you think you know yourself fairly well and you find yourself just reacting differently to how you expect - and also to connect with people who are in the same boat, because it feels kind of lonely when you feel scared.
In spite of that, I am feeling appreciative today. In the last two weeks, my mind has allowed me to hunker down and get on with the job I love, and of course, allowed me to cope with all the demands of being a mum to 3 fantastic kids. Also, which is a massive bonus, I've really got to know my boobs! I always checked before, maybe monthly or so. But it was a bit half-arsed. I now check them everyday and as a result, I am really familiar with what 'normal' feels like for me (well, my right boob anyway!)
Lxx
Hi Linnyy and a warm welcome to the Online Community but so sorry to see you joining us.
The cancer journey can be such a stressful and challenging time..... I know this well as I have been on my incurable cancer journey for over 23 years........ but you have done the right thing in reaching out to a place where you can ask questions and getting support from others who are on the ‘exact’ same cancer journey.
The Community is divided into support groups (discussion rooms) and from your post above I am thinking that you may have Breast Cancer so can I recommend you join and post in our supportive Breast cancer support group. This group is a safe place to talk to others with a similar diagnosis, treatment experience, to ask questions and get support.
If you'd like to connect in with a group click on the (Bold) Group Link I have created above. Once the group page opens click on the black banner that says [click to join] at the bottom, or the [Join] button under "Group tools."
You can then introduce yourself by putting up a ‘new post’ by clicking in the box near the top right with + New or + (Depending on the device you are using) and you are ready to go. You could copy and paste the text from this post into your new post.
The Macmillan Support Line is open from 8am-8pm (timings may differ across services) 7 days a week on 0808 808 00 00 where you can talk with someone about specific cancer and practical information, get emotional support, benefits/financial guidance or just connect with a listening ear.
We also have our Ask an Expert section but do allow a few working days for a reply.
We also have our Telephone Buddy Service where you can be matched with someone who understands what you're going through, and they'll give you a weekly call.
Talking to people face to face can be very helpful so do check to see if you have any Local Macmillan Support in your area, do also check for a local Maggie's Centre as these folks are amazing and aim to give support to all the family.
Do get back to me if you need further help.
Thanks so much Mike, I will head on over 
