Hello, this is the first time I have posted so I am a bit nervous, I had a haemorrhagic stroke back in 2018 and survived against the odds and am forever grateful to a doctor who made the right call back then. This experience changed my life ultimately resulting in a lighter work load and a house and area move. Last December I found myself outside hospital awaiting a cystoscopy - just waiting for a few more minutes to pass - and I received a phone call from the police where I used to live to inform me they had to break the rear door and found my mother dead upstairs on the bed. They had my number for a year and a half because my mother had been acting out of character and their care team had been keeping an eye on her and I agreed to be the one they called. I dreaded this call though.
I went in for my procedure and the referral had been all about my prostate up until then. Sadly, they found an instance of bladder cancer. Two weeks later I was having a Turbt and now I am just incredibly sore and sort of dread going to the loo but I keep thinking I am still here. On Monday I get the results of histology and the CT scan.
I had to travel back to my mums, a six hour journey just after Christmas, and sort her documents, talk with the celebrant and work out what to say, talk with the registrar to get her death certificate, sort 80 refuse sacks of rubbish and get a very kind firm in to empty her house. 3 days but I did it. Then I had to arrange her prepaid funeral, the one thing she had sorted out thank goodness. I met my lovely cousins again.
So the probate team have to find an estranged brother who hasn’t been seen for 20 years and an estranged sister who hasn’t been seen for forty years. It seems awful but I don’t feel like I have enough strength to talk to or deal with them all these years later but doubtless I will. Right now I really just miss my mum, I just do.
Thank you for reading this, I really have a positive outlook and am incredibly pragmatic when it comes to myself in a one day at a time kind of way. Also though, I guess underneath I am not quite right because I cry when I’m alone really hard for a bit then I’m ok again.
Hi FZTID and a warm welcome to the Online Community but so sorry to hear about your mum and your diagnoses.
I can in part understand the challenges around dealing with probate as I was dealing with the same issues a few years ago when my mum died…. do accept my since condolences.
When it comes to the cancer journey it can be such a stressful and challenging time but you have done the right thing in reaching out to a place where you can ask questions and getting support from others who are on the ‘exact’ same cancer journey.
The Community is divided into support groups (discussion rooms) and I can see that you have already joined our supportive Bladder cancer support group. This group is a safe place to talk to others with a similar diagnosis, treatment experience, to ask questions and get support.
If you'd like to connect in with a group click on the (Bold) Group Link I have created above then once the group page opens you can then introduce yourself by putting up a ‘new post’ by clicking in the box near the top right with + New or + (Depending on the device you are using) and you are ready to go.
The Macmillan Support Line is open from 8am-8pm (timings may differ across services) 7 days a week on 0808 808 00 00 where you can talk with someone about specific cancer and practical information, get emotional support, benefits/financial guidance or just connect with a listening ear.
We also have our Ask an Expert section but do allow a few working days for a reply.
We also have our Telephone Buddy Service where you can be matched with someone who understands what you're going through, and they'll give you a weekly call.
Talking to people face to face can be very helpful so do check to see if you have any Local Macmillan Support in your area, do also check for a local Maggie's Centre as these folks are amazing and aim to give support to all the family.
Do get back to me if you need further help.
It’s amazing the depths we can dig to find the strength and mental capacity to deal with what comes along.
Do consider conditioning in with the various support platforms as the load is lighter the more you share it with others.
All the very very best FZTID
