Moms breast cancer has spread:’(

Hi Blondie22 and a very warm welcome to the online community which I hope you'll find is both an informative and supportive place to be.

I'm sorry to read that your mum has recently been diagnosed with breast cancer which has spread to other areas of her body. It's very common for the person with cancer not to want to be given a timescale as it's only a 'best guess' based on her oncologist's experience with other people who have a similar cancer. However, we're all individuals and some people don't live as long whereas others go years past their given date.

You could ask your mum if she'd give permission for you to speak to her oncologist so that you can ask your questions.

As the online community is divided up into different support groups, I'm going to suggest that you join the secondary breast cancer group, which is a great place to ask questions and share experiences with others whose cancer has spread. I think you'd also benefit from joining the supporting someone with incurable cancer group, which is for anyone who has a loved one with a terminal diagnosis to discuss their emotions.

To join both or either of these groups just click on the links I've created which will take you to the group. You can then join and start a new post in the same way as you did here and join in with existing conversations by clicking on 'reply'.

x

Thank you for your reply. 

how do I even go about speaking to her oncologist? I didn’t even think it was possible to be honest! 
i have lots of questions I’d love to ask him! 
i will ask her permission but don’t know how I can make it happen. 

also.. any idea on the breathlessness? 

thank you

Hi

Your mum would have to speak to her oncologist to give her permission for him/her to speak to you and then a meeting/telephone conversation would have to be arranged. If she wants to do this, then the first step would be for her to speak to her cancer nurse specialist, sometimes referred to as a keyworker.

The breathlessness might be a side effect of the chemo your mum is taking. She should have a contact number to speak to the chemo ward if she experiences any side effects and an emergency 24 hour a day number if her side effects are very bad.

x

Hi Blondie22, 

I'm sorry to hear you and your family are going through this. I completely understand your wanting to have an idea of your mum's prognosis. My mum was diagnosed with secondary breast cancer when she was 50 having had breast cancer at 45 and everyone believing she'd beaten it. She was diagnosed with it in her bones initially, and it then spread after a year to her liver and a few other areas, but she lived for 3 years and was actually very well for all but the last month of her life. When she was diagnosed with the cancer in her bones her consultant said that it was very difficult to predict, she could live for 2 years, she could live for 10. We were lucky that she responded well to the chemo tablets for a long time and at most of her scans the doctor said that if he hadn't known she had cancer he would have missed it as it had shrunk so much. She gave up work but was able to remain very active, doing things like the London to Brighton bike ride a year after diagnosis. 

I really hope the chemo improves things for your mum. Take care

Thank you so much for replying to my post and for your kind words. Just know you have given me hope. 

I am so incredibly sorry to hear about the passing of your mom- what an amazing, strong lady she was being able to complete activities like that!

How amazing that your mum responded so well to the chemo tablets, it’s really good to hear some positives.                                                             Do you know the name of the ones she was on? Apparently the ones my moms been put on recently are new ones. 

Thank you, I really really hope that the chemo can shrink them x

Ok, thanks so much for your help x

Hi Blondie22, 

Thank you for your kind words, she was a wonderful lady as I bet your mum is too. I'm afraid I don't know what chemo my mum was on, they did change it a couple of times if the previous ones were becoming less effective, but I'm sure they've changed since my mum died as we lost her 12 years ago. 

I hope you get some answers soon that can help with some of your worries, it's an incredibly difficult time for you x

Sounds it

She sure is! 

Oh I see, no problem at all. 

Yes, hopefully. It’s just a difficult subject to approach. Hoping I can build up the courage to discuss it with my mom very soon. Then hopefully I can ask some questions and get some answers x