Not sure where to turn. If someone could direct me to the most appropriate forum I’d be grateful.
My Dad has had bowel cancer for a number of years. It was successfully treated but earlier this year he was told it had come back and was now terminal. He had some palliative chemo and radiotherapy but it did nothing. It’s spread everywhere and he is now dying. He’s lost so much weight and struggles getting up and down stairs and he’s just getting worse and worse.
I live a few hours away. Mum isn’t coping. Or rather, she’s coping by being as independent and stubborn as she can be. She’s not communicating with me very well, not helped by the fact we’ve never been especially close knit and also that I’m autistic and have a tendency to take things at face value.
I also struggle to get places on my own. I can drive but I find it difficult so rely on my husband. I did visit them a couple of weeks ago and offered to make it more regularly but mum finds having anyone in the house - nurses, hospice etc really stressful so made it clear she didn’t want the hassle of me visiting again before Christmas.
It’s my birthday today and she’s called to tell me basically “Happy Birthday, your dad hasn’t left bed or eaten for 3 days. You’re going to notice a big difference when you get here for Christmas… if we get that far”.
I am numb and frozen. I don’t know what to do.
I don’t have anyone to talk to about this. I have my husband but I can’t rely solely on him. I don’t have many friends and none of them live anywhere nearby.
Hi and a very warm welcome to the online community which I hope you'll find is both an informative and supportive place to be.
I'm sorry to read that your dad has been diagnosed with incurable cancer and it's natural to feel as you do.
You've asked which would be the best group to join so I'm going to recommend that you join and post in the supporting someone with incurable cancer group, which is for anyone who has someone with a terminal diagnosis to discuss their emotions as well as practical issues.
To join just click on the link I've created which will take you directly there. You can then join and start a new post in the same way as you did here and join in with existing conversations by clicking on 'reply'.
Sending virtual (((hugs)))
"Never regret a day in your life, good days give you happiness, bad days give you experience"
