Don’t really do this kind of thing - am trying to be strong for my mom but am a complete mess - last year my mom had a pancreaticoduodectomy for duodenal cancer, previous to this mom had lung cancer in 2919 had a wedge resection and recovered things were great, then this happened in 2021 at 87 years old got through this massive operation and things were great again albeit mom trying to put weight on and now having to take Creon after every meal but if that’s all it was that was brilliant, things were all going well until end Aug this year mom had a liver infection and scan showed recurrence - absolutely devastated and angry we had two appointments with oncology consultants at two different hospitals and they said the operation was a success and we don’t think adjuvant chemo is the best option so they wouldn’t give her the chemo fast forward 11 months now the past 12 weeks have been a nightmare, a liver abscess then severe itching due to raised bilirubin levels so admitted to hospital for drains and stent then contracted ESBL infection, then found stool blockages in the intestine so mom being constantly sick not eating and losing weight, I moved into the hospital for 4 weeks staying on a camp bed fighting for care, after 2 weeks of me screaming and crying got mom a scan to confirm blockages so course of laxatives, then has to have a nasal tube to drain fluid out, then mom fell and broke hip so had operation to fix, then got aspiration pneumonia, then had infection in sputum, my mom is a strong positive lady who never gives up and her strength is amazing - I am so angry that all this happened whilst in hospital when they said pack a bag for a couple of nights, 5 weeks later my mom came home, I spent 4,weeks in the hospital with her and am now staying with my mom and dad caring for mom, with have a little help from district nurses but they keep saying they are only short term and I need to sort out extra care which I don’t really want to do but come Jan my job involves quite a bit of travel so will need some help. It’s all just awful my mom is my world my best friend and rock and can’t imagine just one minute without her in my life, she is doing ok and not in any pain is eating and drinking fine is upbeat and just wants to be able to get out of bed and get the leg moving, is tired though but maybe that’s because of the awful coughing at night due to the infection still lurking on her chest and having interrupted sleep - just want my mom back and am dreading what’s going to happen, have had a tough day today as district nurse rang to say my mom is getting frail and the doctor has prescribed just in case medication, have freaked out as googled it and it goes on about it being end of life medication- to be honest am a bit annoyed at the district nurses they are so negative about it all whining on about mom being frail when we the family can see a great improvement in her being more alert and chatting and wanting to get out of bed with the help of physio - I try to be upbeat and not show any upset in front of my mom and dad but cry my eyes out by myself , I miss my husband and dog at home who I haven’t really seen in weeks, my brother helps but it’s not the same and it’s me dealing with everything from personal care, cooking cleaning sorting things out with appts, doctors nurses etc etc, I’m trying to accept it as it’s life but I am so angry and in denial and get awful waves of panic, have appt re chemo on the 20th Dec as postponed from 4 weeks ago due to my moms infection and broken hip and previous to that due to being in hospital, am just praying they will give it to her this time round again, I suppose I need to keep positive and take one day at a time but am truly heartbroken
Hi and a welcome to the Online Community but so sorry to hear about your mum’s diagnosis and the challenges you have been dealing with.
A cancer journey like this in the family can be such a challenging and stressful time but I do hope you will find the Community a safe place to get support from family members who are navigating the same journey.
The Community is divided into support groups (discussion rooms) so can I recommend you join and post in our general Carers only and Supporting someone with incurable cancer support groups where you will connect with others dealing with the same challenges while supporting family.
If you'd like to connect in with a group click on the Green (Bold) link I have created above. Once the group page opens click on the black banner that says [click to join] at the bottom, or the [Join] button under "Group tools."
You can then introduce yourself by putting up a ‘new post’ by clicking in the box near the top right with + New or + (Depending on the device you are using) and you are ready to go. You could copy and paste the text from this post into your new post.
It is an emotional time supporting family so you might find this Macmillan information your feelings when someone has cancer helpful as well as this link getting help with your emotions.
The Macmillan Support Line is open from 8am-8pm (timings may differ across services) 7 days a week on 0808 808 00 00 where you can talk with someone about specific cancer and practical information, get emotional support, benefits/financial guidance or just connect with a listening ear.
We also have our Ask an Expert section but do allow a few working days for a reply.
Talking to people face to face can be very helpful so do check to see if you have any Local Macmillan Support in your area, do also check for a local Maggie's Centre as these folks are amazing and aim to give support to all the family.
Please do get back to me if you need further help.
