Hiya,
I am 20 years old and almost 2 months ago my dad was diagnosed with skin cancer which had spread to his brain, lung, groin, neck and a few other areas. I am away in a different city for university which is quite hard. Today he came up to where i am studying to receive Gamma Knife radiosurgery on the 9 tumours growing in his brain. It is the first time i had seen him in a few weeks and the first time i had seem him since he started immunotherapy. His face was all puffy because his glands were swollen and I felt very cautious of him being tired and in pain. He went back home a few hours ago after almost 12 hours in the hospital today and this was one of the hardest goodbyes since the diagnosis. I am really struggling to do uni work and i just feel generally quite low (anxiety feels at an all time high and i am worried about friends, hobbies etc). I am not the best communicator so i wanted to join here and see if anyone has words of advice.
Hi rls2002 and a welcome to the Online Community but so sorry to hear about your dad’s diagnosis.
A cancer diagnosis in the family can be such a challenging and stressful time but I do hope you will find the Community a safe place to get support from family members who are navigating the same journey.
The Community is divided into support groups (discussion rooms) so can I recommend you join and post in our general Family and friends support group where you will connect with others dealing with the same challenges while supporting family.
If you'd like to connect in with a group click on the Green (Bold) link I have created above. Once the group page opens click on the black banner that says [click to join] at the bottom, or the [Join] button under "Group tools."
You can then introduce yourself by putting up a ‘new post’ by clicking in the box near the top right with + New or + (Depending on the device you are using) and you are ready to go. You could copy and paste the text from this post into your new post.
The Macmillan Support Line is open from 8am-8pm (timings may differ across services) 7 days a week on 0808 808 00 00 where you can talk with someone about specific cancer and practical information, get emotional support or just connect with a listening ear. We also have our Ask an Expert section but do allow a few working days for a reply.
Talking to people face to face can be very helpful so do check to see if you have any Local Macmillan Support in your area, do also check for a local Maggie's Centre as these folks are amazing and aim to give support to all the family.
Please do get back to me if you need further help.
Hi rls2002
In addition to the excellent advice provided by Mike in his reply to you, can I also suggest that you make the university aware of your current situation?
Student support services are normally an excellent source of advice, and I imagine you will have a personal tutor in the department where you’re studying?
If you haven’t done so already, I would recommend having a chat to whoever is in charge of pastoral care for you as a student so that extra allowances can be made for you. Student support can often arrange for counselling if you feel you would benefit from this, and you can also arrange to get, for example, extensions to coursework deadlines and even deferment of exams if required. I’m sure you would find an empathetic response and it might help make things a little easier for you as regards your course while you are dealing with everything else.
Sarah xx
Hi Rachel
I really feel your struggle as my dad was also ill with cancer while I was in my 3rd year at uni, and studying abroad, many moons ago now, but I remember well how awful it was. I later worked supporting students with special needs, and extenuating circumstances, so I was able to direct students to helpful support services and assist with extensions and deferments. Could you try and arrange a face to face meeting with your personal tutor? Online contact can be impersonal, and you might find it better to meet her to talk things through as this is a very difficult time for you and she needs to be properly aware.
I hope you can get some help-I know it’s out there, and you really need it. Sending you my best wishes.
Sarah xx
