Hi,
thank you firstly for letting me be part of this forum.
my mum has been recently diagnosed with stage 4 bowel cancer, we’ve been told it is incurable and was initially given December ‘22 as most likely to survive to. She has been given the option of chemotherapy, to increase the life expectancy for a few more months but mum is unhappy about going ahead with treatment as she would prefer knowing she’s not looking at the best outcome, she would rather just die peacefully and not in any pain during or after chemotherapy. But as it’s just me and my older sister, my sister is adamant she should receive treatment and is pushing mum to just get it done. But mum is distraught and confides in me everyday about how she’s in pain, upset and just wants to go and that no one else’s understands what she wants. I feel stuck in the middle of wanting to do the right thing by mum, as I know she’s in a lot of pain but then with my sister, trying to give mum the best possible chance.
mum was thriving, independent and a very strong individual before she started to feel unwell in late July. She was even a full time carer for my grandfather who unfortunately on the day we received the diagnosis about mum, had a fall and passed away four days later. So I understand mum is still in a state of shock and grief about loosing her dad, and then the cancer but I don’t know how else to help her or this situation we find ourselves in….
Hi and welcome to the Community although I am sorry to hear about your mum's diagnosis and prognosis.
A cancer diagnosis like this in the family can be such a stressful and challenging time but I do hope you will find the Community a safe place to get support and ask your questions. The Community is divided into support groups (discussion rooms) and when it comes to the practical and emotional challenges of supporting family you may also benefit from joining our general Carers only and Supporting someone with incurable cancer groups where you will connect with others navigating the same challenges. These are safe places to talk to others, to ask questions and get support from family on the same journey.
If you'd like to connect in with a group click on the Green (Bold) link(s) I have created above. Once the group page opens click on the black banner that says [click to join] at the bottom, or the [Join] button under "Group tools."
You can then introduce yourself by putting up a ‘new post’ by clicking in the box near the top right with + New or + (Depending on the device you are using) and you are ready to go. You could copy and paste the text from this post into your new post.
Macmillan have many support services so do check out the Macmillan Support Line is open 8am-8pm (timings may differ across services) 7 days a week on 0808 808 00 00. These services provide cancer information, practical information, emotional support, benefits/financial guidance or just a listening ear. We also have our Ask an Expert section but do allow a few working days for a reply.
Talking to people face to face can be very helpful so do check to see if you have any Local Macmillan Support in your area, do also check for a local Maggie's Centre as these folks are amazing and aim to give support to all the family.
Please do get back to me if you need further help.
All the very best.
