Hi everyone
Never did I ever expect to be joining a group like this but I'm so pleased it is here. I'm absolutely terrified of everything and overwhelmed, struggling to process what is happening to me.
Following a 3-yeatly mammogram at the end of May this year, two small lumps were found, and a biopsy on a lymph node detected cancer cells. I had a very successful lumpectomy just over 4 weeks ago, and recovering very well. They also removed the lymph nodes from under my arm and there are multiple nodes which are affected.
I'm due to start chemotherapy within the next couple of weeks, which fills me with dread, then I'll be having radiotherapy, followed by a two year course of tablets which apparently have just been approved for use. I'll also be continuing taking hormonal tablets as apparently the cancer has occurred due to hormones.
I'm waiting for an appointment for a CT scan to establish if it's gone anywhere else, and this is what is terrifying me the most, to the point I've barely stopped shaking since I met with the oncologist this week. I'm trying to stay positive, but finding it difficult when much of the time those gremlins of doom enter my head. I'm keeping myself busy, have lots of support, ring Macmillan, speak to the care nurses at the hospital, but I still continue to struggle with how I feel.
I've joined a support group in a local town and see a clinical hypnotherapist which has been really useful, but still really struggling.
This really has been a bolt out of the blue, I'm always really well, health-wise. Have always checked myself for lumps and bumps and hadn't felt anything. The consultant was unable to feel anything either as they were so small.
I don't know what else to do, all of the healthcare has been amazing, but the waiting and then the receiving of results absolutely terrify me.
So so scared, I don't want to die.
Hello to you, so sorry to hear what you’re experiencing.
I have just been through that absolutely terrifying experience myself and come out the other side positively thank goodness but I totally relate to the way you feel right now. It is simply terrifying and your whole world stops turning. It’s very difficult to shut out the negative worries and focus on any positives but from what you’ve said it sounds like you’ve done everything right so far. I have 6 lymph nodes affected but still it had not spread.
Just try and get through one day at a time , make sure you keep occupied and eventually this horrible period of time will pass and you will know where you are. That time made me feel more determined than ever that given the chance for a full recovery I would fight this horrible illness and not miss out on life.
I really do wish you well. Stay strong 
Hi Terrified2 and welcome to the Online Community although I am sorry to see you joining us and to hear about your diagnoses. A cancer diagnosis can be such a stressful and challenging time but when it comes to support there is nothing better than talking with others who are on the exact same cancer and treatment journey.
The Community is divided into support groups (discussion rooms) I do see you have joined our supportive Breast cancer group. This is a safe place to talk to others who may have a similar diagnosis, treatment experience, to ask questions and get support.
If you'd like to connect in with a group click on the Green (Bold) link(s) I have created above then once the group page opens you can then introduce yourself by putting up a ‘new post’ by clicking in the box near the top right with + New or + (Depending on the device you are using) and you are ready to go. You could copy and paste the text from this post into your new post.
Macmillan have many support services so do check out the Macmillan Support Line open 8am-8pm (timings may differ across services) 7 days a week on 0808 808 00 00. These services provide cancer information, practical information, emotional support, benefits/financial guidance or just a listening ear.
We also have our Ask an Expert section but do allow a few working days for a reply.
We also have our Telephone Buddy Service where you can be matched with someone who understands what you're going through, and they'll give you a weekly call.
Talking to people face to face can be very helpful so do check to see if you have any Local Macmillan Support in your area, do also check for a local Maggie's Centre as these folks are amazing and aim to give support to all the family.
Do get back to me if you need further help.
All the very best.
Hi, yes of course, it’s so good to have contact with others in our situation. I’m at the very start of my journey really. It’s still only 7 weeks since I first went to my gp after finding a lump and already I’ve had my first chemo session. The whole process is a complete whirlwind. The nhs services I’ve interacted with have all worked at lightning speed (which I’m very grateful for) but is all very hard to keep up with when you’re trying to come to,terms with your diagnosis.
After reading and listening to all the info about chemo I too was very nervous but after a couple of off days I was back to Zumba and walking and normality, hopefully this will be the same for you. Try not to get bogged down with all ifs and maybes and just see how it works for you.
As for the ct scan that is just a waiting game. I just tried to plan things, literally hardly sat down just to keep busy to not think about it. We’re all human, you’re bound to have thoughts you don’t want to entertain at times but try and stay on top of them. I hope you have support from a partner, family or friends, please let people in to help and support you if you can. When I got the news it hadn’t spread I felt like I’d won the lottery and despite still facing chemo, surgery and radiotherapy I still do.
Good luck, I’m rooting for you 
