Cancer and alcoholism

Hi Mariee. I’m going thru bowel cancer and chemo at minute and have been using alcohol to deal with. Not good. Mind not had a drink for 3 days. I have a daughter and I think about how this must be affecting her. So maybe I see it from a different perspective. Cancer is horrid of course. I do hope your folks can talk about it. I need to. 

Hi Mariee and welcome to the Online Community although I am sorry to hear about your dad’s diagnosis and also the concerns about your mum.

A cancer diagnosis in the family can be such a stressful and challenging time for everyone involved but I do hope you will find the community a safe place to get support and ask your questions.

The Community is divided into support groups (discussion rooms) so can I suggest you consider joining our supportive Prostate cancer group. This is a safe place to talk to others who may have a similar diagnosis, treatment experience, to ask questions and get support.

When it comes to the practical and emotional challenges of supporting someone and indeed family members you may also benefit from joining our general Family and friends group where you may connect with others navigating the same challenges.

If you'd like to connect in with a group click on the Green (Bold) link(s) I have created above. Once the group page opens click on the black banner that says [click to join] at the bottom, or the [Join] button under "Group tools."

You can then introduce yourself by putting up a ‘new post’ by clicking in the box near the top right with + New or + (Depending on the device you are using) and you are ready to go. You could copy and paste the text from this post into your new post.

Macmillan have many support services so do check out the Macmillan Support Line is open 8am-8pm (timings may differ across services) 7 days a week on 0808 808 00 00. These services provide cancer information, practical information, emotional support or just a listening ear.

We also have our Ask an Expert section but do allow a few working days for a reply.

Talking to people face to face can be very helpful so do check to see if you have any Local Macmillan Support in your area, do also check for a local Maggie's Centre as these folks are amazing supporting all the family and I know that our local Maggie’s deal with the challenges your mum is having regularly.

Please do get back to me if you need further help.

All the very best.

Hi Jon

I'm new to this and I feel a bit of a fraud but your message struck a chord and felt maybe if I could be a little cheeky I could ask some questions and advice?

My partner is 38 and he believes he has bowel cancer. Please bear with me as I'm being 100% serious and finding it incredibly difficult to get my head round...

He started bleeding from his back passage when going to the toilet years ago maybe 6/7yrs. He at the time had a severe lower  back issue and sciatica so underwent physio reluctantly. They never checked his blood or stool and ignored it as a side effect of the back pain. He went with there diagnosis. Several years on its progressed the bCk pain has been no issue for a number of years but the blood never stopped only now..

He finally broke down told me he thinks it's confirmed what he thought all along and he knows his body its cancer in his bowel or prostate  He is now experiencing more bleeding constantly and sometimes in his underwear when not using the toilet. He is needing the toilet rather frequently and has also experienced a mucus to when going. He now has abdominal pain mostly left and sometimes in his balls. He even told me through tears it can be painful when he ejaculates. Sorry if this is too much info I just need help and to talk I feel I'm losing my mind.

He is a big man 17stone and drinks quite a bit more so now a brandy to be specific a few glasses a night but the measure are nearly half a glass each time with pepsi. Over the last 2months he's lost alot of weight but none on his tummy all in his shoulders chest and arms. He's got yellowy patches on his face that are not hugely obvious but are there. I believe he's yelling me his truth  and I know he wouldn't lie about his symptoms as he just is not that person he's brutally honest in all aspects of life. 

Does this sound like he may be on the right lines? I'm sorry to ask but I need information from someone going through it and I cannot begin to understand how you feel knowing the truth and what you are having to mentally and physically go through.  Please tell me to go away if its too much.

He won't get checked or diagnosed he believes that it's his body he knows what is wrong and he is in control not doctors or cancer. He doesn't want to know how long or far etc. So he is just going day to day. He doesn't want anyone to know we have a 12 year old son. So I have to pretend it is all good. Even when he's sleeping most of the day and completely lost interest in his job he gets up late afternoon does a few hours and is still tired.. he sleep most weekends until 2 3pm sometimes til 4. He said HD is happy to get it off his shoulders and tell me but he won't go to get checked no matter what I've thrown everything st him but now I just have to swallow the bitterness and accept his decision.  

If I'm honest I know he isn't well but I struggle to believe his concept of what it is and how he is just gonna ride it out unseen undiagnosed. 

I'm angry hurt and now paranoid he could collapse anytime. He has said he understands there could come a point where he may pass out through blood loss or because of the disease and he knows he can't hide it then as I will call paramedics and will then have to tell family. He is fine with that if it comes to it. But until then HD believes not knowing when or how long ignorance is bliss. For me it's not confirmed!!!

Do you think he is right? Are his symptoms and beliefs warranted to knowing what it is. 

I'm sorry if this message is hard to read, 

I hope your being supported by your family and talking as much as you can.

Thank you for taking the time to read this

S x

Thank you both for the replies JonA and Thehighlander I really appreciate it. I’ll take a look at those groups too.