Hello,
I’d like advice on whether to…..when to…..how to tell children about the cancer I had long before they were born.
I had cancer and was successfully treated before I met my wife. We married about a year after we met and had kids soon after. My kids are now 12 and 14. I’ve not told them I had cancer. I have annual check ups and have been in remission for 18 years. So there’s been nothing happening that they need to know about. And as a parent I obviously want to protect them whilst they are young from unnecessary worry especially as I’m fine.
Having said that, not keeping secrets and having open, honest transparency in a family is very important to me so I’ve been thinking that at some point I should tell them. But then I also wonder if I’m going to unnecessarily worry them when this is history and I’m fine now.
Should I tell them? How do I tell them? I don’t want it to be dramatic.
Grateful for views
Hi Joe123 and a very warm welcome to the online community which I hope you'll find is both an informative and supportive place to be.
I'm glad to read that you recovered from cancer and it's natural to want to know if you should tell your children. Macmillan has some great information on talking to children and teenagers which you might find helpful to take a look at. Obviously only you can decide whether to tell them or not but hopefully looking through the information I've linked you to will help.
x
"Never regret a day in your life, good days give you happiness, bad days give you experience"
Hi Joe123...... being in remission for 18 years is great.
When I was the same age as you kids I had no idea that my now late dad had been very ill (not cancer) before I was born..... it was not until later years that his health deteriorated and it came to light that this new problem had been a result of what had happened many years ago.
I did not feel that anything had been hidden...... they had rightly moved on with life and did not see the need to tell me...... and on reflection I would say that was the correct decision.
The type of cancer you have may be a consideration with regards to 'probability' of relapse?
My two girls were in their late teens when I was diagnosed with my incurable blood cancer..... that was 23 years ago and in that time I have had a shed load of treatments.......... so there was no hiding the facts. They both went on the have family and our 4 granddaughters have grown up with grandad being poorly from time to time.....
Teens and even children are far more resilient and informed than we often give them credit for.....especially in this media age.
All the best with whatever route you take but most importantly, a wish you continued good health.
Thanks for pointing me to that guidance. What are your views following my response to Mike? I do understand only I can choose but it’s very helpful to canvass a variety of personal opinions. I promise I won’t return here with “but you said…..”. 
Hi
I understand your desire to canvas opinion but as I don't have any personal experience with talking to children when recovered from a cancer diagnosis I can't really add anything I'm afraid. The community guidelines only allow us to share personal experiences.
All the best with whatever you decide to do
x
"Never regret a day in your life, good days give you happiness, bad days give you experience"
Hi again, I have a rare skin Non Hodgkin's Lymphoma that is also incurable but treatable....... but as I said, I have had a lot of treatment (hit my community name to see my story)
Blood cancer conditions like your HCL, Bone Marrow Disorders like MDS, MF and Low Grade NHLs like my type of Lymphoma are now seen as chronic illnesses and are often put in the same basic wide group that can include Diabetes, MS, Parkinsons........ but the main difference is that 'we' have many treatments available to keep this under control - many other chronic conditions don't.
With this additional context, what would your advice be?
I personally have no hesitation in saying I would and will always be open with people, regardless how young..... or how old!!
My granddaughters accepted grandads illness better than my now late mum........ mum had the old perception that the word cancer meant that I was dying and it was a matter of time........ and that she would out live me.
You will see from my profile that I am coming up to 7 years out from treatment and my consultant is convinced that apart from 'other' life events that I will die with my cancer not because of it.
Thank you for clarifying. I wasn’t aware of that guideline.
Thanks for your reply. Good to hear your prognosis is positive - as in it’s unlikely Cancer will boot you out of life early. Very pleased to hear that.
It’s good to hear you think I should be open about my story to my kids. When I was growing up, there were always secrets and problems in my family that were never aired and talked about. I resented my parents for this but then that was the mindset of many in that generation.
This caused so many issues and so I vowed I would raise a family were there were no secrets. But that’s easier said than done now I’m wrestling with the risk I might create fear where there was none before. But then I also raise the risk of someday my kids being disappointed I kept stuff from them…..trade offs….
Yes easier said then done. Your kids are from the Generation Alpha cohort and the use of Google to search and research is part of that generation. The problem with this is as we know we can get a 1000 answers on Google and only a few will be accurate.
The bottom line is, you are the only one that knows your kids well enough to know how they would react.
For the best information on all things Leukaemia is Leukaemia Care UK
Always around to help more or just to chat.
