My husband of less than a year recently had a major surgery for colon cancer. He was sent home with transparent stoma bags. He insists on lying around in his dressing gown with the bag in full sight and when it has output in it which I find repulsive.. I constantly ask him to cover it up and he gets angry saying I'm nagging. He was also told by his stoma nurse nit to let it fill more than half full but he waits till its full and bulging and normally over several hours is smelling. I ask hom to change it as the smell is vile and I am struggling with it, but he just won't. It's causing arguments between us as he thinks I'm just being unfair.. he has this stoma, had to live with it.. and I just have to accept it too. He even comes to bed with it when has some in it, but says it doesn't need changed as not much in it... I've asked if he can please come to bed with a clean, empty bag but he's ignoring my pleas... I can't even cuddle him now. I've said if his hygiene doesn't improve I can't stay.. another argument. I'm at my wits end with all the stress. Is this normal and anyone any suggestions how I can handle it?
Hi THOMO and welcome to the Online Community although I am sorry to hear about your husbands diagnosis and the challenges you are facing. A cancer diagnosis in the family can be such a stressful and challenging time but I do hope you will find the community a safe place to get support and ask your questions.
The Community has various support groups (discussion rooms) so can I suggest you consider joining our supportive Bowel (colon and rectum) cancer and Ileostomy, colostomy and stoma support groups. These are safe places to talk to others who may have a similar diagnosis, treatment experience, to ask questions and get support.
When it comes to the practical and emotional challenges of supporting someone you may also benefit from joining our generalFamily and friends and Carers only groups where you will connect with others in the same position.
If you'd like to connect in with a group click on the Green (Bold) link I have created above. Then once the group page opens click on the black banner that says [click to join] at the bottom, or the [Join] button under "Group tools."
You can then introduce yourself by putting up a ‘new post’ by clicking in the box near the top right with + New or + (Depending on the device you are using) and you are ready to go. You could copy and paste the text from this post into your new post.
Macmillan have many support services so do check out the Macmillan Support Line is open 8am-8pm (timings may differ across services) 7 days a week on 0808 808 00 00. These services provide cancer information, practical information, emotional support or just a listening ear. We also have our Ask an Expert section but do allow a few working days for a reply.
Talking to people face to face can be very helpful so do check to see if you have any Local Macmillan Support in your area, do also check for a local Maggie's Centre as these folks are amazing.
Give me a shout if you need further help.
Best regards.
