This is a long story, so I will try and summarise..
my bother died 2.5years ago after melanoma that spread. Following diagnosis and one operation to remove a large mole He decided to “beat the cancer” through juicing, CBD oils, clean eating l, organic food etc. it didn’t work and over the years it spread until huge black bleeding tumours covered his body. The images are terrifying.
He consistently batted away all conversations regarding his “plan” and would not entertain medical intervention until a last ditch attempt a couple of months before his death.
I am so angry with him that he left behind a wife and two children, no will, no allowance for how they will cope. He didn’t even tell anyone his cancer was terminal.
There is so much more to this, but every night I sit here and just think about what a mess this all is, how I seem to be the only one that could see he was dying, yet he would not listen to me. He could still be here if he had listened to the medical team, so why did he choose not too?
I feel so angry all the time and think terrible things that I cannot voice. I know it was his choice to behave like this, but it’s impacted my whole life now, and I cannot seem to process this.
i feel selfish for saying this, but he made me feel worthless, that my confidence and zest for life has gone, because of the anger, frustration and helplessness…
where do I go from here?
Hi and a warm welcome to the Macmillan Online Community although I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your brother and the emotional challenges you have been dealing with.
I am the one with the cancer, over my 23 years living with and being treated with my incurable cancer I have meet many folks who have tried different routes to fight the onslaught of their cancer.
Cancer treatments for some can be very challenging and even if the treatment works leaves them with other significant heath problems so in some way I can understand people who want to ‘treat’ it and not have the poison used on their body.
This has been such a stressful and challenging time you but I do hope you will find the community a safe place to get support and ask your questions. The Community has various support groups (chat rooms) so can I recommend that you consider joining our supportive Bereaved family and friends group.
This will be a safe place to talk to others who may have had the same experiences, to ask questions and talk with others.
If you'd like to connect in with a group click on the Green (Bold) link I have created above. Then once the group page opens click on the black banner that says [click to join] at the bottom, or the [Join] button under "Group tools."
You can then introduce yourself by putting up a ‘new post’ by clicking in the box near the top right with + New or + (Depending on the device you are using) and you are ready to go.
You could copy and paste the text from this post into your new post and as always you can reply to existing ‘Discussions’ by click [reply].
Macmillan have many support platforms so do check out the Macmillan Support Line is open 8am-8pm (timings may differ across services) 7 days a week on 0808 808 00 00 or via Webchat and Email too.
These services provide emotional support or just a listening ear. We also have our Ask an Expert section but do allow a few working days for a reply.
Talking to people face to face could be very helpful for you at the moment so do check to see if you have any Local Macmillan Support in your area, do also check for a local Maggie's Centre as these folks are amazing and provide support for all the family.
Always around if you need further help in navigating the community.
All the very best.
