My best friend’s husband was diagnosed with an incurable brain tumour back in January. Since receiving radiotherapy and chemotherapy, he is now at home and my best friend cares for him full time, as well as bringing up their 2 year old daughter. She is massively struggling with the physical demands of caring of him - he mainly stays in bed and needs help getting out. He has recently had a couple of falls and cannot get himself back up and she has to attempt to lift him on his own. I could go on with more examples but my point is, I am so worried about her and just reaching out to see if this is the norm? Should she be dealing with the physical, and mental, demands of caring for her terminally ill husband on her own? There is family close by, however her husband is quite adamant it’s only my friend who can help him. Thank you
Hi and a warm welcome to the Macmillan Online Community although I am so sorry to hear about your friends husbands diagnosis and the challenges the family is dealing with.
A cancer diagnosis in a family like this can be such a stressful and challenging time but I do hope you will find the community a safe place to get support and ask your questions.
I was the one with the cancer and I ensured that my wife was not left to do all the work so I insisted that we ‘used’ all the support supplied by the ‘system’ family and friends. But unfortunately it is not unusual that someone does not want any outside help but this puts such a burden on the close family and often on one person.
The Community has various support groups (chat rooms). I see you joined our Family and friends group and you may want to look at our Supporting someone with incurable cancer group.
These are safe places to talk to others who may have similar experiences, to ask questions and talk with others who are supporting friends as they deal with the challenges is caring for family members.
If you'd like to connect in with a group click on the Green (Bold) link I have created above. Then once the group page opens you can then introduce yourself by putting up a ‘new post’ by clicking in the box near the top right with + New or + (Depending on the device you are using) and you are ready to go.
You could copy and paste the text from this post into your new post and as always you can reply to existing ‘Discussions’ by click [reply].
Macmillan have many support platforms so do check out the Macmillan Support Line is open 8am-8pm (timings may differ across services) 7 days a week on 0808 808 00 00 or via Webchat and Email too.
These services are a good place to unpack some of the problems your friends is dealing with as the service provides cancer information, practical information, emotional support, benefits/financial guidance or just a listening ear. We also have our Ask an Expert section but do allow a few working days for a reply.
Your friend may need some specific support and talking to people face to face can be very helpful so do check to see if you have any Local Macmillan Support in your area, do also check for a local Maggie's Centre as these folks are amazing and provide support for all the family.
Always around if you need further help in navigating the community.
All the very best.
