Just lost my mum

Hi all. 

im not quite sure how this works, but I’m betting we all have one thing in common.

I lost my mum on Monday to lung cancer. She had been trying for over two years to be seen as she had lost so much weight and felt dreadful, yet nobody listened. 

Finally someone took notice at the GP surgery and referred her. This was late March. We saw the consultant and he was very hopeful it was treatable and we just needed a couple more scans to confirm exactly what we were dealing with. 

since then, it’s been an uphill battle. She went for all of the tests, scans, biopsies... and we had zero information back from them. She ended up very poorly with suspected sepsis after one biopsy and went to hospital. It turned out she had pneumonia. They tested her, sent her home and we thought she would be ok. 

the only time between now and then that I have spoken to a consultant was when they told me she had hours to live. She was in hospital again, I saw her the night before and she seemed on the up. Apparently they sat her down and told her the worst news anyone would want to hear (that she is terminal), without even asking if she wanted family present. 

I am in utter shock, I’ve not processed her passing at all but I just wanted to ensure that nobody goes through this guessing game like my brother and I did. So PLEASE ask every question, ring the nurses, pester the hospital as much as needed to get answers. Because the one I got was far too little, too late. 

huge love and hugs to everyone out there dealing with this awful disease Heart

  • Hi and a warm welcome to the Online Community although I am so sorry to hear about the lose of your dear mum, please accept my deepest condolences. 

    I lost my mum a few years ago and although she did not have cancer there was failing in her initial diagnosis that resulted in her premature passing.

    You may find it helpful to join our very supportive Bereaved family and friends group. This will be a safe place to talk to others who are navigating this difficult time, to ask questions and talk with others who understand.

    If you'd like to connect in with a group click on the Green (Bold) link I have created above. Then once the group page opens click on the black banner that says [click to join] at the bottom, or the [Join] button under "Group tools."

    You can then introduce yourself by putting up a ‘new post’ by clicking in the box near the top right with + New or + (Depending on the device you are using) and you are ready to go.

    The Macmillan Support Line is open 8am-8pm (timings may differ across services) 7 days a week on 0808 808 00 00. This service provides practical information, emotional support, benefits/financial guidance or just a listening ear and our Ask an Expert section can be helpful at these times but do allow a few working days for a reply.

    There is quite a lot of information in What to do after someone dies and many hospitals have bereavement services who may be able to offer support.

    Talking to people face to face can be very helpful so do check to see if you have any Local Macmillan Support in your area.

    Do also check out for a local Maggie's Centre in your area as these folks are amazing and provide support for all the family.

    Always around if you need further help in navigating the community.

    Wishing you all the very best ((hugs))

    Mike - Thehighlander

    It always seems impossible until its done - Nelson Mandela

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  • Hi Saralou,

    I'm very sorry to read that. I hope you find some help and advice here. I was just about to create my 'introduction' thread, and I read yours and see that there are some similarities to my situation. I've lost my mother too, and like you, we have concerns at the way she wasn't seen and checked for so long, until evidently it was too late (even though it was a case of a cancer returning). And then we had a similar lack of communication at the hospital, with her being told that it was terminal, and a nurse on the phone then accidentally told us (my mother didn't want to worry us). Hugs and wishes.