Hi everyone, my dad has been diagnosed with bladder cancer, he says it’s spread to his prostate. He’s said it all needs to be removed and is waiting for surgery and chemo. I don’t think he’s telling me everything and I don’t want to push him to answer questions he might not want to answer as at the moment he’s really upbeat. He’s agreed I can come along to surgeons, consultants appointments. I didn’t want what I should be asking or looking out for to get a better picture of what the situation is. Of course the big questions I want to know are, what stage is it (he says he doesn’t know), and what is the survival rate (of course very difficult to ask and I don’t want to upset him). Any advice?
Hi NikkiS and a warm welcome to the Online Community although I am so sorry to hear about your dad’s diagnosis.
A cancer diagnosis in the family can be stressful and challenging in so many ways but I do hope you find the community a safe place to get support and ask your questions
Your questions about stage and prognosis can only come from his consultants and if he is the only one going to appointments he may just keep it all to himself - this often happens so there may need to be some open family conversations but it’s good that he is open for you to go to appointments as a second pair of eyes and ears will take in far more than him being on his own.
The New to Community is like our reception desk where we can signpost you to our various cancer support groups and other services.
Can I recommend that you consider joining our supportive Gall bladder cancer and Prostate cancer groups. These will be safe places to talk to others who may have a similar diagnosis, treatment experience, to ask questions, get support and talk with others who are supporting family and friends on their journey.
If you'd like to connect in with a group click on the Green link I have created above. Then once the page opens click on the black banner that says [click to join] at the bottom, or the [Join] button under "Group tools."
You can then introduce yourself by putting up a ‘new post’ by clicking in the box near the top right with + New or + (Depending on the device you are using) and you are ready to go.
You could copy and paste the text from this post into your new post and as always you can reply to existing ‘Discussions’ by click [reply].
When it comes to the practical and emotional challenges of supporting someone you may benefit from joining our general Family and friends group where you will connect with others supporting family and friends
The Macmillan Support Line is open 8am-8pm (timings may differ across services) 7 days a week on 0808 808 00 00 or via Webchat and Email too. This service provides cancer information, practical information, emotional support, benefits/financial guidance or just a listening ear.
You may also find our Cancer Nurse Team in our Ask an Expert section helpful but do allow a few working days for a reply.
To find information covering diagnosis, treatments and pages covering most types of cancers check our Online Information and Support Section.
Talking to people face to face when on a cancer journey (patient or family) can be very helpful but during these strange times it’s not that available but do check to see if any Local Macmillan Support in your area has opened up. Do also check out for a local Maggie's Centre in your area as these folks are amazing and provide support for all the family.
Always around if you need further help in navigating the community.
All the very best.
