Hi all - my 85yr old mum underwent bowel cancer surgery in November resulting in a permanent stoma bag - she has done so well accepting this although as yet doesn’t manage it herself I and a morning carer help her as she has very limited feeling in her fingers due to arthritis.
we have just been told the cancer has spread to her liver and it’s stage 4 - they say treatment would seriously affect her quality of life and are transferring her to pallative care.
as her main carer I’m now feeling very scared and unsure. I have so many questions about what progression could look like and what to expect. She’s very confused but also very much in denial - we are trying to just enjoy every day and take time to do things - I’ve promised her a fun summer ahead and I’ve got a little prepared in that I’ve got a wheelchair so we can get out and about as she tires so very easily and needs a good sleep in the day.
the prognosis without treatment was vague - I was told about 6 months tho I haven’t as yet shared that with her and may not do so. But I was also told that’s only an average.
so many thoughts going through my mind - she lives alone as my dear dad passed away three years ago from blood cancer - I know the last three weeks were the worse but he did have treatment and there was a better idea and plan.
im hoping the palliative care team will be in touch soon and be able to answer my queries but I thought a carers only support group would be so useful just to help me normalise what’s happening. I am at present trying to work too as I’m self employed but guessing I may need to reconsider that as I’m already feeling pulled!
Hi Eldestchild and welcome to the Online Community although I am so sorry to hear about your mum’s diagnosis and prognosis. A cancer diagnosis like this can be a very stressful and challenging time for everyone involved but I do hope you find the community a safe place to get support and ask your questions.
The New to Community is like our reception desk where you can be signpost to our various cancer support groups and other services.
When it comes to the practical and emotional challenges of supporting someone on their cancer journey you may benefit from joining some of our supportive groups.
I see you have joined our Carers only group abd you may want to look at our Supporting someone with incurable cancer group where you will connect with others supporting family and friends. these will be safe places to talk to others, to ask questions and get support.
If you'd like to connect in with a group click on the Green link I have created above. Then once the page opens click on the black banner that says [click to join] at the bottom, or the [Join] button under "Group tools."
You can then introduce yourself by putting up a ‘new post’ by clicking in the box near the top right with + New or + (Depending on the device you are using) and you are ready to go.
You could copy and paste the text from this post into your new post and as always you can reply to existing ‘Discussions’ by click [reply].
The Macmillan Support Line is open 8am-8pm (timings may differ across services) 7 days a week on 0808 808 00 00 or via Webchat and Email too. This service provides cancer information, practical information, emotional support, benefits/financial guidance or just a listening ear.
You may also find our Cancer Nurse Team in our Ask an Expert section helpful but do allow a few working days for a reply.
Talking to people face to face when on a cancer journey (patient or family) can be very helpful but during these strange times it’s not that available but do check to see if any Local Macmillan Support in your area has opened up. Do also check out for a local Maggie's Centre in your area as these folks are amazing and provide support for all the family.
Always around if you need further help in navigating the community.
All the very best ((hugs))
