Hi, I have been reading the previous thread on this topic and it helped to know I'm not alone.
I just don't know what to do. Sometimes think that perhaps I should just sign a form and stop treatment, but then that would be so selfish and unfair to the wonderful people and treatment I have already received.
Ultimately I have to sort this myself, but I don't know what to do How to move forward and do the right thing for those I love.
I was diagnosed with secondary breast cancer over a year ago and last November had a mastectomy when they removed three tumours and two cancerous lymph nodes and some muscle. I consider myself a positive person and indeed the Dr's and nurses have said my attitude helped get me through.
Last June we needed to move in with my partners mum who at 96 is now not capable of caring for herself. She is a strange person and has been a strange mother to my partner who since living with her I have found out so much about his childhood memories which to me are very cruel. I have been on the receiving end of her cruel tongue telling me there was nothing wrong with me and I was being dramatic. I understand that may be her way of dealing, but the comments just add to the stress that is already there.
When I came out of surgery I was disorientated and shouting for my Partner The staff were amazing and called him on their mobile and passed the phone to me and he calmed me down. He is so supportive but then when his Mum or something stresses him he throws it back at me about how he is there for me and what he should have done was to not answer the phone.
I try not to ask him for any help and be independent and as soon as I was able cleaned and tried to get back to normal helping with the care of his Mum. I remote work and asked to get back to work as soon as I could to help with bills etc. My partner has not worked for around 12 years nor claimed benefit as he says we were doing okay on my wage and the benefits system is for people without anything.
I have 15 sessions of radiotherapy starting in March. They say I will be able to drive and I am hopeful and positive I will be, but if I cant I don't want to ask him and its not fair on staff to drive me there and back when he is capable and if I choose the help that will anger him.
When I say I will go and get a flat he says that would be selfish of me after all the support he has given me to just leave him. I ask him what I can do to help and he says I should stop being a pain in the a.s.e. I ask when am I being a pain so I can stop whatever it is and he just replies that I don't get it.
No good suggesting we get help that angers him even more.
Thank you for reading Helped me just to write it down
Take care and stay safe xxxx
Hi Alison Alison020463 so sorry to read about the challenges you are facing with your partner.
I am the one with the cancer so can't bring anything to the table that may help you but could I suggest that you copy and paste this post in to both the Breast cancer and Breast, secondary cancer groups as this will open up your questions and experiences to a wider group of people who may be able to help you out.
The New to Community area is like our reception desk where folks quickly move onto our many specific support groups.
