Last Tuesday my world started to fall apart. On that day my Wife found out the results of biopsies that had been done on two lumps found under her armpit and above her breast. She had melanoma and it was in her blood. The problem is she didn’t find out because for several days she had been increasingly confused. The news did not register as we found out later that day following a brain scan that the melanoma had got to her brain causing a tumour as well as two lesions and swelling. Her cognitive abolition had been damaged as had her memory. She did not take in the news
that evening we agin were told the extent of her illness and that it was incurable and probably inoperable. The next day I was informed the prognosis was unclear as to how long she might survive. Fast forward two days and we were advised that the variant of the melanoma had been identified and a treatment of dabrafenib and trametinib would be started. This was again in front of my wife. She could not take it in.
we are now at home and I am caring for her. She has no recollection of her time in hospital but clarity Is returning but still she has no knowledge of her situation.
That is the background. My question is HOW DO I TELL HER? I have been waiting to see how she settled back home and how her mental state developed. My Darling wife of 44 years need to be told but she is stilll blissfully unaware and asks no questions as to why she is on such a treatment regime.
I don’t want to wait until she asks the question. It might not come. I have to be honest with her and have the most dreadful conversation of my life which will de estate her. I have been to the depths last week when I feared she may never come out of hospital.
I just don’t know how to start. I don’t want her to endure the despair but I know I have to. Any guidance really appreciated
Hi Ken10 and a warm welcome to the Online Community although I am so sorry to hear about your wife’s diagnosis. This is such a challenging and stressful time for all but I do hope you find the community a safe place to get support and ask your questions.
The New to Community is like our reception desk where we can signpost you to our various cancer specific support groups and other services.
I think you may find talking with others about the practical challenges of supporting someone on a cancer journey like this so you may benefit from joining and posting in our supportive Carers only and Supporting someone with incurable cancer groups. these are safe places to talk to others who may have a similar diagnosis, treatment experience, to ask questions and get support.
We also find our Melanoma Group helpful where you may be able to talk with others who have knowledge of these treatments.
If you'd like to connect in with a group click on the Green link I have created above. Then once the page opens click on the black banner that says [click to join] at the bottom, or the [Join] button under "Group tools."
You can then introduce yourself by putting up a ‘new post’ by clicking in the box near the top right with + New or + (Depending on the device you are using). You will then see a dropdown menu so hit ‘Chat’or ‘New here, say hello’ and you are ready to go.
You could copy and paste the text from this your first post. You can also search through existing ‘Discussions’ and click [reply] if you want to put up a comment.
The Macmillan Support Line is open 8am-8pm (timings may differ across services) 7 days a week on 0808 808 00 00 or via Webchat and Email too. This service provides cancer information, practical information, emotional support, benefits/financial guidance or just a listening ear. You may also find our Ask an Expert section helpful but do allow a few working days for a reply.
Always around if you need further help in navigating the community.
All the very best.
Mike (Thehighlander)
It always seems impossible until its done - Nelson Mandela
Good to hear this - always around to try and help
Mike (Thehighlander)
It always seems impossible until its done - Nelson Mandela
