Hi,
I guess I'm new here, but not new to this journey. But this one is hitting hard.
On the 23rd of December 2021, my(30f) mumma(55f) was diagnosed with breast cancer.
Cancer in our family for the females feels inevitable But this really hit hard. I should explain the history.
My mums mum (Maternal Grandmother) died when my mum was 5... It wouldn't be until much later in life that my mum would learn that her mum had cancer, it was cancer that killed her - the details are shaky, but we believe it was breast and cervical.
In my mums family, she had 2 sisters, both have had breast cancer, one also had cervical...
On my dads side, for female relatives, it is just me and my nana... things were difficult for my nana with cancer, she had her first cancer diagnosis when I was little, I remember her bleeding while we were on holiday, and the tears as we realised what this meant... She would get reoccurring cancer diagnosis' for the next 22 years roughly every other year. She passed away 31st December 2018 - because screw another year with cancer. I was heartbroken by her death, we were incredibly close.
So, of my generational tree theres a lot of cancer, already the cousins on my line have started being hit with it...
And now my mumma.
And Covid. She couldn't initially get into the GP to be seen, she was new to the area, it was just difficult. Once the ball was rolling, it was rolling and things have picked up quickly, but it took her longer to get seen...
And then there's the selfishness... I'm terrified. For my cousins, its mostly just one side of the family so heavily affected by cancer - for me, both sides of the family are heavily affected by female cancers. When me? Because my genetics aren't looking hot right now.
My poor mumma, I just don't know what to do, to make this easier for her. How do I help? Theres struggles for her, and I don't know what to do...
Not to mention, life continues... My partner has just moved in with his son (on a 50/50 split with his mum), work is stressful (though my manager is supportive), I find myself not speaking to friends, because what do I say? And I'm managing my own mortgage and bills while sitting here and wondering how I can help my mum and stepdad, they have a mortgage, step dad and mum are both self employed - mums trying to work, and I'm literally thinking of throttling her for it, but she's worrying about finances
So thats where we are at currently. A bit disjointed, hella worried, and totally bamboozled.
Hi and a warm welcome to the Online Community although I am so sorry to hear about your mum. This is such a challenging and stressful time for all involved but I do hope you find the community a safe place to get support and ask your questions.
The New to Community is like our reception desk where we can signpost you to our various cancer specific support groups and other services so can I recommend that in the first instant you consider joining our supportive Breast cancer group. This will be a safe place to talk to others who may have a similar diagnosis, treatment experience, to ask questions, get support and talk with others who are supporting family and friends on their journey.
If you'd like to connect in with a group click on the Green link I have created above. Then once the page opens click on the black banner that says [click to join] at the bottom, or the [Join] button under "Group tools."
You can then introduce yourself by putting up a ‘new post’ by clicking in the box near the top right with + New or + (Depending on the device you are using). You will then see a dropdown menu so hit ‘Chat’or ‘Start a Discussion in New here, say hello’ and you are ready to go.
You could copy and paste the text from this your first post. You can also search through existing ‘Discussions’ and click [reply] if you want to put up a comment.
When it comes to the practical challenges of supporting someone on their cancer journey you may benefit from joining our supportive Family and friends and Carers only groups where you will connect with others supporting family and friends
The Macmillan Support Line is open 8am-8pm (timings may differ across services) 7 days a week on 0808 808 00 00 or via Webchat and Email too. This service provides cancer information, practical information, emotional support, benefits/financial guidance or just a listening ear. You may also find our Ask an Expert section helpful but do allow a few working days for a reply.
Talking to people face to face can help a lot but during these strange times it’s not that available but do check to see if any Local Macmillan Support in your area has opened up. Do also check out for a local Maggie's Centre in your area as these folks are amazing.
Always around if you need further help in navigating the community.
All the very best ((hugs))
