Hi. My dad was diagnosed with oesophaguel cancer in December 2020. It came out of the blue with no previous indication.
We're caring for Dad at home in line with his wishes.
I've joined the group tonight as I'm feeling rather lost and lonely. Although I have a loving family, I'm seen as the strong one. Today, it all feels like too much.
I feel selfish as I feel like I'm already grieving for my Dad (he also has Alzheimer's) although he's still here with us.
Realistically, I know we don't have much time left with him and I try to make sure every moment we do have counts, but tonight things just feel too much. I hate seeing him declining by the day, but I'm not ready for him to go yet.
Can anyone tell me if this is normal to feel this way please? And how can I change my feelings to less selfish ones?
Love and strength to everyone who needs it right now xxx
Hi and a warm welcome to the Online Community although I am so sorry to hear about your dad. This is such a challenging and stressful time for everyone involved but I do hope you find the community a safe place to get support and ask your questions.
The New to Community is like our reception desk where we can signpost you to our various cancer specific support groups.
When it comes to the practical challenges of supporting someone on their cancer journey you may benefit from joining our supportive Carers only and Supporting someone with incurable cancer groups where you will connect with others supporting family and friends. these groups will be safe places to talk to others, to ask questions and get support.
If you'd like to connect in with a group click on the Green link I have created above. Then once the page opens click on the black banner that says [click to join] at the bottom, or the [Join] button under "Group tools."
You can then introduce yourself by putting up a ‘new post’ by clicking in the box near the top right with + New or + (Depending on the device you are using). You will then see a dropdown menu so hit ‘Chat’or ‘Start a Discussion in New here, say hello’ and you are ready to go.
You could copy and paste the text from this your first post. You can also search through existing ‘Discussions’ and click [reply] if you want to put up a comment.
The Macmillan Support Line is open 8am-8pm (timings may differ across services) 7 days a week on 0808 808 00 00 or via Webchat and Email too. This service provides cancer information, practical information, emotional support, benefits/financial guidance or just a listening ear. You may also find our Ask an Expert section helpful but do allow a few working days for a reply.
Talking to people face to face can help a lot but during these strange times it’s not that available but do check to see if any Local Macmillan Support in your area has opened up. Do also check out for a local Maggie's Centre in your area as these folks are amazing.
Always around if you need further help in navigating the community.
All the very best ((hugs))
