Hi all
My name's Marie, 50yr old and have finally conceded that I need help. My husband (well he will be in 2 week) was told by his oncologist at RPH that he is inoperable due to where it is. They started radio and chemo at the beginning of Dec but he contracted a severe infection, then had csf fluid leakages and finally last week he had 3 surgeries including the insertion of a shunt. In the mean time he had to come of treatment....we won't know until the 24th what will happen or if it has progressed too much. All the hospital get saying with the fluid is we'll try this, we'll try that!!!
He is now quite upbeat and to be honest if you spoke with him other than mixed words and memory issues you wouldn't know....if you didn't look at all the dressings and scars.
I've been really strong.....up to now. He says I have to accept the outcome, but I can't. I'm in denial,we have been together 3 year as of the 11th. We got engaged at Christmas 2020.our life was mapped out. I've had 2 abusive marriages and I've found my soulmate, my world, the love of my life. I'm angry. These things, this disease has stolen away our / my future!!! I'm also scared of how to deal with the practical side of things. It sounds harsh but his finances, the funeral. He has a funeral plan which will pay out should he last till 23th March . Can't see why he wouldn't. He has no will, he won't make one as he literally has nothing. He had bike finance but he's given it back and has told me not to pay a penny....but I think they're secured loans. My heads spinning.
I can't bear the thought of losing him. Whilst he was in hospital, my parents would contact me, and his 2 exes would check on me but other than that, no one came near. But I feel totally alone in all this
Hi Marie and a very warm welcome to the Online Community although I am so sorry to hear about your husband to be’s diagnosis and prognosis. This is such a challenging and stressful time for you all but I do hope you find the community a safe place to get support and ask your questions.
The New to Community is like our reception desk where we can signpost you to our various cancer specific support groups and other services.
I see you have already joined our supportive Glioblastoma multiforme and Brain tumours groups. These are safe places to talk to others who may be on a similar journey, to ask questions, get support and just talk with others who are supporting family and friends on their journey.
If you'd like to connect in with a group click on the Green links I have created above. Then once the page opens you can then introduce yourself by putting up a ‘new post’ by clicking in the box near the top right with + New (Computers) or + (Mobile Devices). You will then see a dropdown menu so hit ‘Chat’ or ‘Start a Discussion in New here, say hello’ and you are ready to go.
You could copy and paste the text from this your first post. You can also search through existing ‘Discussions’ and click [reply] if you want to put up a comment.
When it comes to the practical challenges of supporting someone on a cancer journey like this you may benefit from joining our supportive Carers only and Supporting someone with incurable cancer groups where you will connect with others supporting family and friends during these difficult times.
As for all the financial challenges you may want to call the Macmillan Support Line is open 8am-8pm (timings may differ across services) 7 days a week on 0808 808 00 00 or via Webchat and Email too. This service provides emotional support, practical guidance, benefits/financial guidance or just a listening ear. You may also find our Ask an Expert section helpful but do allow a few working days for a reply.
Always around if you need further help in navigating the community.
All the very best ((hugs))
