Hi, I have joined the community in the hope of gaining some hope and positivity in this absolutely devastating time I find myself. My partner, Ben, my soul mate has just received a diagnosis of bowel cancer with liver metastasis. He’s 45 and was one of the fittest, healthiest people I knew, he had no other co morbidities, wasn’t on any regular meds, didn’t smoke and went to the gym 2-3 times a wk, the only thing I wish he’d have done was eat a bit more fruit and veg!!
Around the middle of September he started with a cough, that was all just a cough, he hadn’t seen a gp in 22 years so we had to register him, he was reluctant and kept saying ‘I’m alright’ obviously we did numerous PCR tests which were negative. He then said he was losing weight, by the time he told me, he’d lost 6-7kg, it wasn’t noticeable as he was quite big and well built. When the last PCR was negative my heart sank a bit, I’m a nurse so all sorts was going through my head but he still looked well, was going to work so I reassured myself.
He had a telephone consultation with his gp who requested bloods and a chest Xray, the chest x ray was clear which really reassured me, the bloods weren’t, he also started with severe night sweats. He had a urgent appt at the hospital and a scan found he had a tumour in his bowel with some likelihood it had gone to his liver, this diagnosis was given in A&E and we were basically told to go home and wait for the MDT meeting to take place and someone would get in touch. We were both in a state of shock, he has since had a endoscopy which confirmed everything and that the tumour in his bowel was 17cm, he has seen the Oncologist this week who says she can only offer him some chemotherapy in an attempt to try and shrink the tumour or keep it at bay but she wasn’t expecting a lot of shrinkage.
Ben is still eating and drinking, having regular bowel movements although they are different now, sleeping and not really in any pain, he has some shoulder pain which they have said could be coming from the liver mets. He is to have a PICC line in and chemo to start as soon as they can, if it works they will keep giving him it, they are planning to re scan him in March.
My world has literally fallen apart, I have a daily meltdown (not always in front of Ben) watching him continue to lose weight and understandably be quite low in mood and anxious is breaking my heart. Ben has a 12 year old daughter who I love like my own and we are to be married next November. The support of family and friends is amazing and I have 3 daughters who are getting me through this as well. Ben is so positive but I can see he has dark Moments too where I just want to wrap him up and make It all go away for him. I’ve never been so scared in my life and wake up every morning feeling like someone has stuck a knife in me.
my reason for joining this community is I find myself seeking out positive stories, they get me through the day and a lot of the times I tell Ben about what I have read and hope it will help him too.
Hi Bencin and a warm welcome to the online community
I'm sorry to read that your partner has recently been diagnosed with bowel cancer which has spread to his liver. I know what a hard time this will be for your both but you've joined the right community.
As the online community is divided up into different support groups I'm going to recommend that you join the bowel cancer group and also the secondary liver cancer group which are great places to ask questions and share experiences around this type of cancer and treatment options.
You might also like to join the carers only group which is a safe and supportive place to discuss your worries and emotions with other carers who will be happy to share their coping techniques with you.
To join just click on the links I've created and then choose 'click to join' or 'join' (depending on the device you're using) on the page that opens. You can then introduce yourself and post in the same way as you did here and join in with existing conversations by clicking on 'reply'. To save you typing this all out again you could just copy and paste it into your new post.
It would be great if you could pop something about Ben's diagnosis and treatment so far into your profile as it really helps others when replying to you and also when looking for someone on a similar pathway. It also means that you don't have to keep repeating yourself. To do this click on your username and then select 'Profile'. You can amend it at any time and if you're not sure what to write you can take a look at mine by clicking on my username.
If you have any difficulty navigating the community just drop me a reply and I'll be pleased to help
x
"Never regret a day in your life, good days give you happiness, bad days give you experience"
