I don't know how this will be recieved but I can't believe that I'm the only one in my particular situation. Yesterday was our 6 year anniversary of the longest relationship of my life. I am his second longest - after his wife.
He was diagnosed with cancer early this year, a cancer so aggressive that he almost certainly won't see Christmas. We have spent a precious few days together over the recent months. I opened my eyes last Monday morning to see his brimming with tears. His pain was palpable as he struggled to speak. "You know that when we leave today, we will never see eachother again".
It was almost as if I could pretend it wasn't real - until I heard it out loud.
I have never experienced grief before or witnessed the malevolent grasp of this horrific disease. The emaciation cruelly coupled with agonising swelling, all the while leaving the mind sharp like some sort of caustic last laugh.
He has been my one true love. Rightly or wrongly - undeniably. He said that he would message me when he knew it was time - when the messages would have to end as he would no longer have the ability to hide them. That final message came tonight.
One day very soon his best friend's name will flash up on my phone screen and I will know then that he's gone. I will never be able to say goodbye.
Hi and welcome to the Online Community although I am so sorry to read your post, his must be such a hard time for you but I do hope you will find lots of comfort and support from people who understand here on the Online Community.
I am the one living with cancer so my journey is completely different but you may want to connect with other who are dealing with the same challenges The Community has many dedicated support groups, I see you have joined our Carers only group, we also have our Supporting someone with incurable cancer and unfortunately our Bereaved spouses and partners group. These groups are safe places to talk to other people who are waking the same journey.
If you'd like to connect into this group, you need to join the group. First click on the Green link I have created above. Then click on the black banner that says [click to join] at the bottom, or the [Join] button under "Group tools."
You can then introduce yourself by putting up a new post by clicking in the box near the top right with + New (Computers) or + (Mobile Devices). You will then see a dropdown menu so why not hit ‘Start a Discussion in New here, say hello’
You could copy and paste the text from this your first post. You can also search through existing ‘Discussions’ and click [reply] if you want to put up a comment.
This is such a hard time and t’s natural to worry about what is to come so you might find this information from Macmillan helpful.
It’s always good to talk so do call the Macmillan Support Services on 0808 808 00 00 - most services are open 8am to 8pm, 7 days a week Clicking here to see what is available. This service provides emotional support, benefit and financial guidance or just a listening ear.
Talking to people face to face can indeed help a lot but during these strange times it’s not that available but do check to see if you have any Local Macmillan Support in your area has opened up. Do also check out for a local Maggie's Centre
Always around if you need further help in navigating the community.
All the very best ((hugs))
