I am new to forum. My dad has been diagnosed with tumour in colon and awaiting surgery. Don’t know if cancer yet. My mum and I are really struggling with his attitude. He is very angry and blames us for everything. He refuses to drink water or take his iron tablets and instructed by his consultant. He made me cry this morning because he said he will never listen to anything my mum and I say - he has since apologised. He relies on my mum totally and then is really horrible to her. He pulls nasty faces at her and mimics her. He is deaf and refuses to wear hearing aids even to his hospital appointments. He refuses to get any exercise and just sits all day and justifies his bad behaviour because he has to keep going to the toilet. I don’t want to feel cross with him or frustrated by the really upset me. I think today is the first time he has ever apologised for his temper. He has pulled clocks of the wall in his rages. How do I set healthy boundaries with him. We want to care for him but I won’t have me or mum continually abused.
Hi and welcome to the Online Community but so sorry to hear about your dad's diagnosis and his attitude, this must have come as a shock as to how your dad is reacting but I do hope you will find lots of comfort and support from people who understand here on the Online Community.
Cancer touches everyone in some many ways and at times, logic unfortunately goes out the window. The Community has many dedicated support groups so can I recommend you start by joining our Bowel (colon and rectum) cancer group. This is a safe place to talk to other people who might have a similar diagnosis or treatment experience.
If you'd like to connect into this group, you need to join the group. First click on the Green link I have created above. Then click on the black banner that says [click to join] at the bottom, or the [Join] button under "Group tools."
You can then introduce yourself by putting up a new post by clicking in the box near the top right with + New (Computers) or + (Mobile Devices). You will then see a dropdown menu so why not hit ‘Start a Discussion in New here, say hello’
You could copy and paste the text from this your first post. You can also search through existing ‘Discussions’ and click [reply] if you want to put up a comment.
When it comes to the practical challenges of supporting someone you may benefit from joining our supportive Family and friends and Carers only groups where you will connect with others supporting family and friends
It’s always good to talk so do call the Macmillan Support Services on 0808 808 00 00 - most services are open 8am to 8pm, 7 days a week Clicking here to see what is available. This service provides lots of cancer information, emotional support, benefit and financial guidance or just a listening ear.
To find information covering diagnosis, treatments and pages covering most types of cancers check our Online Information and Support Section.
Talking to people face to face can indeed help a lot but during these strange times it’s not that available but do check to see if you have any Local Macmillan Support in your area has opened up. Do also check out for a local Maggie's Centre
Always around if you need further help in navigating the community.
All the very best ((hugs))
