I’m not sure which group to join, or even if I should have done this. Feel like it’s a silly cry for help. in a way, it is.
my mum was diagnosed with terminal liver cancer last year, during the covid crisis AND I started a new job overseas Last year.
I’m living here on my own, My children are grown up and in the uk, so my mum is not alone and has a massive support network.
I have mixed feelings. I feel very guilty about them. I’m devastated my mum has it, she’s not just my mum, she’s my friend. I want to rush home and be with her, however, if I go, there’s nothing I can do to fix it,
I have been told my job won’t be open if I go that long, my mum doesn’t have any symptoms yet, it’s terminal because she has a severe heart condition.
It may sound harsh, but if I have no job after…I’m not going to be paying my mortgage. I’m no stranger to cancer. mum has had several types of cancer since she was 35 and survived them, my sister died from cancer at a young age. Cousins, aunts…the list goes on.
I guess it may seem I’m searching for deliverance, forgiveness or an ok. That’s unfair of me. Mainly I’m at a point where I’m not sure how I’m supposed to feel. I’m kind of numb, blasé, in denial, scared of her being in pain, and, I’m feeling very isolated even though I have good friends.
Hi and welcome to the Online Community but so sorry to hear about your mum and the quandary you are in.
There is no simple answers to this, the fact you have come onto the Community and unpacked this will help you in some way.
My mum died just over a year ago, not from cancer, but unexpected and rather suddenly. We had to do the 2 1/2 hour drive to the hospital where she had been taken but on arrival we talked by phone with her medical team and explained that I was in the Covid Clinically Extremely Vulnerable group and the consultant advised in the strongest way that I should not go into the hospital as it was not safe for me. My family agreed with this so my wife went in and my mum passed away peacefully 5 mins later.
Due to the Covid restrictions I had not seen her in 4 months. I have no regrets, it was what it was and a year in I continually celebrate her life.
The Community has many dedicated support groups and when it comes to the practical challenges of supporting someone you may benefit from joining our supportive Family and friends and Supporting someone with incurable cancer groups where you may connect with others who have experienced the same challenges that you are at the moment.
If you'd like to connect into these groups, you need to join the groups. First click on the Green links I have created above. Then click on the black banner that says [click to join] at the bottom, or the [Join] button under "Group tools."
You can then introduce yourself by putting up a new post by clicking in the box near the top right with + New (Computers) or + (Mobile Devices). You will then see a dropdown menu so why not hit ‘Start a Discussion in New here, say hello’
You could copy and paste the text from this your first post. You can also search through existing ‘Discussions’ and click [reply] if you want to put up a comment.
It’s always good to talk so do call the Macmillan Support Services on +44 207 091 2230 - most services are open 8am to 8pm, 7 days a week Clicking here to see what is available. This service provides lots of cancer information, emotional support or just a listening ear.
Always around if you need further help in navigating the community.
All the very best ((hugs))
People don’t actually know that Macmillan is far more than just end of life care. The support is wide and yes, even being in the Middle East is no barrier so do call the Support Line as the team are amazing.
It may be worth connecting in with the Liver cancer support group as there is no better way to understand the journey than by talking with others going through it or supporting family.
The impression I get from reading your posts is your mum totally understands the situation and like all parents, me included, our ultimate joy is seeing our children following their dream and following their heart.
I live in Inverness and our oldest daughter and family (3 granddaughters) stay way down in Surrey. It’s hard to not be able to drop in past but we talk everyday and do our best to meet up a few times a year….. but as with most families Covid has significantly restricted this across the world.
At the moment it’s all about the greater good, both for your mum knowing you are well and successful. For you it’s all about acceptance, accepting that your mum and family understand……. don’t let this eat you up, keep the communication with your mum going, think of things that you can arrange remotely that your mum would enjoy….. you can still make a difference even although you are a long way away.
Sending you supportive ((hugs)) x
