Hi All,
Thanks for being there.
Monday saw consultant had sigmoidoscopy he said ‘something there that shouldn’t be’ ‘something nasty’ took biopsy but not waiting for results before booking mri, ct and colonoscopy. Copy of letter to gp confirmed suspected cancer.
Squeezed in for mri Monday, ct today, colonoscopy thurs next week got 3 days self isolating after COVID swab appointment Monday.
All a very big shock been reeling ever since. Only a few days but already feeling at times dread and panic and feeling of not being able to cope. Bloody hell, only start of journey going to go mad if I feel like this already.
Didn’t sleep Monday or Tuesday then so exhausted last night finally managed sleep after getting my poor partner Jason out of bed to calm yet another ‘Convinced death imminent’ rant and to stay by my side in the lounge until I drifted off.
Have had throbbing low back pain now two nights in a row and looking for solace with doc google only makes it worse. So worried it seems like bone met, which has robbed me of hope. Not bad pain, pain itself not keeping me awake and panic stricken more fear of what it means.
Desperate and lonely, have been leaning on boyfriend and messaging Mum at night since she is largely awake too. But don’t like to worry them more and tonight even when I think about going to either of them I just think ‘what’s the point, they love me but they can’t ultimately do or say anything to calm me.’ It’s so very lonely to feel the people who love you most in the world can’t shield you from terror.
I feel bad because I know there are people struggling to cope with harder parts of the journey, confirmed degrees of bad news, awful pain etc, but I’m just so desperate for help and don’t know where to turn.
Thanks for listening to my ramblings xx
Hi and welcome to the Online Community. I am so sorry to read about your ongoing diagnosis and suspected cancer but I hope you will find the support available in the community helpful at this difficult and challenging time.
Talking with others who are walking the same type of cancer treatment path (my one is completely different) will help you navigate this unwanted journey.
The New to Community is like the Community Reception area and as there are many cancer types and experiences so likewise the Community has many support groups but I see you have joined our supportive Bowel (colon and rectum) cancer group as this will be a good place for you to connect with other folks who may be on the same cancer treatment pathway.
Navigating the community will depend on the device you are using. To go to the group just click on the green link above then introduce yourself by putting up a post by clicking on ‘New Thread’ or ‘New here, say hello’ then hit the box with the X on the top right (phones).
You could just copy and paste the text from this your first post and you can also join in with existing ‘Discussions’ by clicking on 'reply'.
It’s always good to talk so do call the Macmillan Support Services on 0808 808 00 00 - most services are open 8am to 8pm, 7 days a week Clicking here to see what is available. This service provides lots of cancer information, support, financial guidance or just a listening ear.
To find information covering diagnosis, treatments and pages covering most types of cancers check our Online Information and Support Section.
All the very best
