Hello,
I'm not too sure how to ask this but I need help understanding the grieving process.
I'm 22 and fortunate enough to have never grieved. My father greived his father after losing him to cancer, he is unable to speak about it without breaking down and this terifies me.
My partner has an ill mother, she has cancer which has spread from one organ to another, we're facing a scare that maybe it has spread to her brain also. Unfortunately, I feel it's time to prepare myself, both knowledgeably and emotionally so I'm prepared for the worst and prepared for both me and my partner. He's always been a mother's boy, he's very sensitive and always speaks about his emotions however he doesn't like speaking about his mothers illness and how he feels about it. I'm afraid that when the worst happens, he won't be able to deal with it. I fear for his emotional wellbeing. I fear that I may not provide the help he needs which could lead to us not surviving this hardship. I want to prepare myself but how can I possibly do this when nothing compares to losing a loved one.
I guess I'm asking for advice, tips or pointers, something more than the generic advice I can find on google, anything that could make me a better person for my partner during such a difficult time.
Thank you, from the bottom of my heart.
A
Hi and welcome to the Online Community but so sorry to hear about the challenges you and the family are all having to deal with. It is such an emotional time supporting family so you might find this Macmillan information your feelings when someone has cancer helpful.
A cancer diagnosis like this in the family can be very challenging but talking with others who are walking the same type of cancer support journey will help you navigate this difficult time.
The New to Community is like the Community Reception area and as there are many cancer types and experiences so likewise the Community has many support groups so can I recommend you start of by joining our supportive Carers only and Supporting someone with incurable cancer groups where you will connect with others supporting family and friends
To join a group just click on the link above then choose 'click to join' or 'join' (depending on the device you're using) on the page that opens.
You can then introduce yourself by putting up a ‘New Thread’ or hit the box with the X on the top right (phones), you could just copy and paste the text from this your first post. You can also join in with existing ‘Discussions’ by clicking on 'reply'.
It’s always good to talk so do call the Macmillan Support Services on 0808 808 00 00 - most services are open 8am to 8pm, 7 days a week Clicking here to see what is available. This service provides lots of cancer information, support, financial guidance or just a listening ear.
We also have Cancer Nurse Team in our Ask an Expert section, but do allow two working days for replies from our expert team.
All the very best ((hugs))
HI Sarah134
so sorry to hear about your partner's mother.
A long long time ago I was in your situation. My boyfriend, now husband, was very close to his mum. He'd never lost anyone. Long story short, she took ill and they thought at first it was a stroke. She had a CT scan that revealed something in her brain. A few days later, the Wednesday, she had a biopsy and never regained consciousness. The first my partner knew that his mum was really ill was when a dr called him at work and said round up your family, your mum has 24hrs. She lasted till the Sunday.
That was 1993. In all these years, he's only ever cried once for her. That was on the Saturday morning when he was curled up in bed beside me, crying that he didn't want his mum to die. I had no words. There were no words. All I could do was hold him till he had cried it out of his system.
Over time he would talk about his mum but it took time...a long time.
Be led my what your partner needs. Go with your natural reaction, your gut reaction. There's no right or wrong way to react. You're both so young - it's hard and its cruel but you'll get through this. We did.
Ironically/tragically- call it what you like - my husband is now terminally ill with a brain tumour ( bad luck not genetic according to the neurosurgeon) and I'm facing having to guide my kids (21 and 23) through losing their dad and myself through losing my partner of 33 years. My kids have never lost anyone either but as long as we stick together and look after each other I'm sure we'll get through it.
Hang in there. Stay strong.
love n hugs
Wee Me xx
Macmillan Support Line - 0808 808 00 00, 7 days a week between 8am-8pm
Thanks Sarah134
xx
Macmillan Support Line - 0808 808 00 00, 7 days a week between 8am-8pm
