Hi there! I’ve come on here as my 77 year old dad has stage 3 bladder cancer. He had the scrape done back in April and has been incontinent since, it got better, just wetting at night but now he’s back to wetting during the day.
The consultant now wants to remove his bladder but he has vascular dementia which seems to be getting worse by the day, can no longer make decisions for himself so it’s up to the family to decide if he should have the op. If we don’t agree to the bladder being removed he’ll have the scrape again.
It’s hard because my dad and stepmum live in Lancaster in a house which is far to big for them and us children are all around the Greater Manchester area.
Just looking for anybody with any similar experiences and advice on the bladder cancer and the dementia as this is all new to me unfortunately.
Thank you 
Hi Helsbob and welcome to the Online Community but so sorry to hear about your dad’s diagnosis.
A cancer diagnosis in the family can be very challenging and add vascular dementia makes it even more so. As a family we have been dealing with this for years with our parents but with other illnesses not cancer and they live over 2 1/2 hours away from us.
Yes it would help talking with others who are walking the same type of cancer support journey (my one is completely different) as this will help you navigate this difficult time.
The New to Community is like the Community Reception area and as there are many cancer types and experiences so likewise the Community has many cancer specific support groups and I see you have found and joined our supportive Bladder cancer group as this will be a good place to connect with folks on the same cancer treatment pathway.
To go to the group just click on the link above then introduce yourself by putting up a ‘New Thread’ or hit the box with the X on the top right (phones), you could just copy and paste the text from this your first post. You can also join in with existing ‘Discussions’ by clicking on 'reply'.
When it comes to the practical challenges of supporting someone you may benefit from talking with others caring for family and friends so do check out our Carers only group where you will connect with others supporting family and friends
It’s always good to talk so do call the Macmillan Support Services on 0808 808 00 00 - most services are open 8am to 8pm, 7 days a week Clicking here to see what is available. This service provides lots of cancer information, support, financial guidance or just a listening ear.
We also have Cancer Nurse Team in our Ask an Expert section, but do allow two working days for replies from our expert team.
To find information covering diagnosis, treatments and pages covering most types of cancers check our Online Information and Support Section.
All the very best ((hugs))
