Hi. I've just lost my mum to secondary liver cancer. She was only 59. She lived with treatable cancer for the best part of 6 years, and did so bravely and uncomplainingly.

I am disturbed by how quickly she deteriorated after her terminal diagnosis, how sad her last weeks of life were, and am struggling with guilt because I'm worried I didn't support her enough. Mostly I am still waiting for her death to feel real.

  • Hi  and welcome to the Online Community but so sorry to hear about the death of your mum, do accept my deepest condolences.

    I lost my mum (not to cancer) very suddenly back in November. Yes she was 91 but was still living in the house I was born into 66 years ago. She was as fit as me, totally independent with no in home care support, did her own cooking, garden and one day she was fine the next she was gone .

    We stay over 2 hours away so it took some time to get to the hospital. I was however meet at the door by her medical team and after some discussion it was agreed that I could not be with her.

    Unfortunately I am Covid Clinically Extremely Vulnerable due to my type of cancer and the ward was not Covid secure. But my wife was able to be with her for those last minutes.

    I could beat myself up about the things I could have done but in reality I had no control over this, I am sure that you also did the very best for your mum so please don’t feel guilty……. a terminal cancer journey has no instruction book so you do what you can when you can.

    We have spent the past months going through all her stuff, we have made up photo albums (not often done now) for all her grandchildren and little great grandchildren so she will truly never be forgotten, indeed her life will continually be celebrated.

    You may find talking with others who are walking the same type of journey will help you navigate this difficult time and I see you have already joined and posted in our supportive Bereaved family and friends group as this will be a good place to connect with folks on the same pathway.

    It’s always good to talk so do call the Macmillan Support Services on 0808 808 00 00 - most services are open 8am to 8pm, 7 days a week Clicking here to see what is available. This service provides lots of support or just a listening ear.

    We also have Cancer Nurse Team in our Ask an Expert section, but do allow two working days for replies from our expert team.

    All the very best ((hugs))

    Mike - Thehighlander

    It always seems impossible until its done - Nelson Mandela

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