I have kept myself busy taking the pressure off with the practical and paperwork side in the build up from diagnosis to his first round of chemo. Seeing his vulnerability, has been harder than I imagined, I thought I would be fine. However, each day I remain happy and positive on the outside, He had a day in hospital and is currently on a 5 day day pump of chemo at home. I don't think I fully realised the changes there would be. He is a practical and hands on man, we are now on day 4 of the pump and I see so much change in his personality. I feel inadequate as there's nothing I can do to help, I am sure he is frustrated, he is tired and not sleeping properly, nausous and I know mentally struggling. I am trying not to fuss, so asking when I get a drink etc if he would like one, the response makes me feel like I am being a nuisance which is something he has never made me feel like. We have always been a couple that cosy up together and chat honestly and openly. Now he sits separately in the recliner on his own even when not snoozing. He has withdrawn it feels like from being around me. I know he has a thick head and isn't sleeping, so understandably wants space although says he doesn't. I am trying to be positive and give him space. So I take myself off and do things. I feel at times I am in the way and feel I guess lost and lonely. I never imagined things feeling Iike this so early on. I feel so selfish for thinking these things as it is him with the cancer and not me. I knew there would be lots of changes with it, perhaps no one ever knows just how much until it happens. We have always been honest and open with each other, I don't feel it's fair to talk about how I am feeling when he is struggling and appears to want space. He appears to chat more and pay more attention to our dog, I wonder if it's easier and his way of coping?.I'm not sure if he is protecting me from the struggles or not as I suffer fro anxiety issues. Any advice would be welcome as I don't want to add more problems or worry to him
Hi and welcome to the Online Community. You don't say what type of cancer your partner is receiving chemotherapy for? It would be a good idea to join that particular forum for the cancer he has to get other member's support.
For those of us with cancer we all tend to deal with it in different ways - some shut out nearest and dearest, others rely on their partners heavily. I would suggest it would be helpful for you to join our supportive Family and Friends group, then you'll be able to connect with others saying how you feel inadequate. You're not - you're a godsend, you just don't know it - you're also not alone, we're here to support you, hold your hand and listen when you want to sound off.
My own hubby of 40 years accused me of being a drama queen so you'll see everyone acts differently - BTW he's always talked more to the dogs than me but our furry friends can only offer love and affection and not take on the worries that go with it.
Sending you hugs, B xx
Macmillan Support Line - 0808 808 00 00, 7 days a week between 8am-8pm
"Never lose hope. Storms make people stronger and never last forever” - Roy T Bennett
Hi . In that case it might be a good idea to look at Oesophageal cancer or Thyroid cancer forums, you'll get help and support there. If you're still not sure or have any problems let me know.
Bxx
Macmillan Support Line - 0808 808 00 00, 7 days a week between 8am-8pm
"Never lose hope. Storms make people stronger and never last forever” - Roy T Bennett
