My wife was diagnosed with lung cancer about a year ago. Radio and Chemotherapy have not had much effect on the tumour. It is not worth operating as the tumour is too close to vital structures and there is insufficient margin to ensure complete removal of it. She is now on immunotherapy and we are waiting to see if the initial good response is maintained.
Yesterday she was admitted to the local hospital to drain fluid from the chest. She was discharged this evening obviously very tired but happy to able to sleep in her own bed.
She doesn't like people she knows discussing her health and has always been very self-contained when dealing with medical issues, of which she has had quite a few over the years. I have limited opportunities to discuss her condition and my own feelings because she doesn't want others to be discussing her health.
I have got used to dealing with the limited information I get from her but it is still difficult. As a teacher she recognises that I am slightly autistic but does not always realise/accept how poor I am at reading the non-verbal signals about how she is feeling. She is not the kind continually complaining about the slightest issue, when she says she is sore, it means she is really sore.
She also hasn't in 34 years come to terms with how literally I take instructions. She asked me to take in a wee bit of cake for the other ladies in her bay in the ward and then complained that they were too small! My interpretation of the request was that there was a reason for her asking for a "wee" bit of cake and that was what she got. She gets frustrated when I try to clarify instructions and requests, which, I do because I don't want to get it wrong.
Hi and welcome (from another Scot) to the Online Community but sorry that you had to find us. I am especially sorry to hear about your wife’s diagnosis.
A cancer diagnosis in the family can be very challenging for everyone involved. I am the one with the cancer and having a life defining disease can be very difficult to handle and indeed does make you very irritable, impatient, demanding and the list can go on but I have to say it’s how some folks deal with this…… but those looking on like yourself and at times my wife it was just as hard as you find yourself walking on eggshells.
I totally understand what ‘wee’ meant and I would have brought little bits of cake - at times you are not going to win and you have to let some of these times wash over you.
Can I highlight some areas of the community where you can talking with others who are walking the same type of cancer journey (my one is completely different) will help you navigate this difficult time so can I recommend you join our supportive Lung Cancer group as this will be a good place to connect with patients and family on the same cancer treatment pathway.
To join a group just click on the link above then choose 'click to join' or 'join' (depending on the device you're using) on the page that opens.
You can then introduce yourself by putting up a ‘New Thread’ or hit the box with the X on the top right (phones), you could just copy and paste the text from this your first post. You can also join in with existing ‘Discussions’ by clicking on 'reply'.
When it comes to the practical challenges of supporting someone you may benefit from talking with others caring for family and friends so do check out our Carers only and Supporting someone with incurable cancer groups where you will connect with others supporting family and friends
It’s always good to talk so do call the Macmillan Support Services on 0808 808 00 00 - most services are open 8am to 8pm, 7 days a week Clicking here to see what is available. This service provides lots of cancer information, support, financial guidance or just a listening ear.
We also have Cancer Nurse Team in our Ask an Expert section, but do allow two working days for replies from our expert team.
Talking to people face to face can indeed help a lot but during these strange times it’s not that available but do check out for a local Maggie’s Centre near you as these folks are amazing. During lockdown a lot of their services moved onto online video support. But I see our local Maggie’s (Inverness) are starting to open up for one on one support.
All the very best my friend.
Hi again, yes I am just along the road in Smithton/Culloden.
CLAN are great so do make contact and see what they are offering at the moment.
Yes I am sure it must have been very strange.
The community is the place for unloading but best talking with people on the same journey.
All the very best.
