I lost my mum on 3rd March this year. she had been very poorly since July last year when she came to stay with me after lockdown had been lifted. a week after arriving with me she was admitted to hospital with what we thought was a bout of diverticulitis. it was found that after numerous scans, biopsies and tests she had what the specialists thought was ascheamic colitis. we were assured at the time it was definitely not cancer and was treated for this with 6 weeks of antiviral medications. During this time she became so weak and lost 13 kilograms in just under 6weeks. All in all she was admitted to hospital 9 times from July to March staying from a few days to 3 weeks. It was identified that in December 2020 she had an infection in her gallbladder. By this point mum was so weak and could not walk unaided or use the bathroom by herself. I had become her main carer. We thought that mum had developed an eating disorder due to the colitis as she would not eat anything, she would hide her food too. We went to my Gp who also prescribed her anti depressants to try and lift her mood and encourage her to eat. mum would say she had problems swollowing and that she felt like she had a lump sort of in her throat. the anti depressants did not work at all. Mum complained of so much pain in her right side, constant heartburn, bloating, breathlessness and loss of apitite, diahorea, vomiting, dizziness. When in hospital in December we were advised that mum was had a very low blood count and infection in her body but the doctors could not work out where this infection was. she was given more antibiotics and prescribed iron tablets.
On her final admission to hospital on the 17th February i had called 111 because she her tummy was very swollen and she vomiting black. they admitted her with query bowl obstruction. it was found that she did not have this however her bowels were moving very slowly. Her kidney function was bad and she was also being treated for chest infection, gallbladder infection. Mum was not responding to any antibiotics and her blood test again showed infection markers but the doctors did not know where this was coming from. On the 1st March she had a guided MRI scan and were were told that there was some fluid around the gallbladder, right kidney, and some in the stomach. We were assured by the consultant it was nothing sinister and not cancer. We were told the gastro team would be looking into how to next proceed but it was nothing to be concerned about. On the 2nd of March i spoke with her as she was in so much pain and could not get her breath she was very unwell. She passed away in the early hours of the 3rd March.
After she died i was asked if would be happy for the cause of death to be put as a aspiration due to a bowel obstruction as the ME and the doctor were in disagreement as to how she died. I said no i was not happy with this and requested a post mortem. The post mortem was inconclusive and so samples were taken and sent to the pathologist for investigation. The results show she died of Carcinomistosis and Poorly differentiated gastro intestinal ardenacarcinoma. I am in shock and need answers as to why this was not picked up. Please if someone can tell me how this was missed or explain to me what this type of cancer means and presents. I have requested further clarification on this from the coroners but they feel they can not answer my questions fully and so it have been again referred back to the pathologist. I am so sad and low, i miss my mum so much and feel so sad she was in so much pain and we didnt know why. My mum was my best friend and i loved her with all my heart.
Hi and welcome to the Online Community but sorry that you had to find us and especially sorry to hear about your mum - my deepest condolences.
I lots my mum (not cancer) back in November, it was rather sudden, a number of bad decisions on the part of her local cottage hospital resulted in her not getting to the main city hospital....... We were a 100 miles away and by the time we got to the hospital she was all but gone..... I am in the COVID Clinically Vulnerable group and as my mum was in a ward that was not COVID secure my family agreed that I must not go in..... she passed away 15min later. I could spend my time asking lots of questions but have chosen to remember a life well lived and celebrate her life.
You may find talking with others who are walking the same type of journey will help you navigate this difficult time so can I recommend you join our supportive Bereaved family and friends group as this will be a good place to connect with family on the same pathway.
To join a group just click on the link above then choose 'click to join' or 'join' (depending on the device you're using) on the page that opens.
You can then introduce yourself by putting up a ‘New Thread’ or hit the box with the X on the top right (phones), you could just copy and paste the text from this your first post. You can also join in with existing ‘Discussions’ by clicking on 'reply'.
It’s always good to talk so do call the Macmillan Support Services on 0808 808 00 00 - most services are open 8am to 8pm, 7 days a week Clicking here to see what is available. This service provides lots of support or just a listening ear.
((hugs))
