This is a bit of strange request....or maybe not....
My mum was diagnosed with stage 3 (C) melanoma in September 2020. She was told it was inoperable and so prepared for the worst. However, three surgeries later she started immunotherapy. She has had one CT scan that shows no signs of concern. 2nd CT scan is due is the next few months. Immunotherapy until the end of the year. So a very hopeful future.
That isn't the issue. The issue is my Dad. He is what you would call old school. Give someone a broken leg and he will be great. Give them a less visible ailment and he doesn't know how to react. He does say how he is feeling, despite being asked. He also doesn't appear take a lot in. Despite being asked if he has understood.
My brother and I have taken to attending the appointments with consultants as mum (understandably) needs the extra eyes and ears. We don't have an issue with this. It means we get the facts, and not something that has bits added to it. We also know that mum takes a lot of comfort in the support. If Dad was there he wouldn't say a word unless spoken to. He also wouldn't question anything.
Mum struggles mentally with all of this.
So my question is how have people dealt with relatives who appear to be in denial? Or.... How do you take a horse to water AND make it drink?
Hi and welcome to the Online Community but sorry that you had to find us and especially sorry to hear about your mum’s diagnosis and the challenges you are having with your dad.
I am the one with the cancer and all my family have been great, but having been volunteering on the community for a few years your dad’s reaction is not that unusual..... for men, this can be their safe place, it’s how they cope.
You may find talking with others who are walking the same type of cancer journey will help you and the family navigate this difficult time so can I recommend you join our supportive Melanoma group as this will be a good place to connect with patients and family on the same cancer treatment pathway.
To join a group just click on the link above then choose 'click to join' or 'join' (depending on the device you're using) on the page that opens.
You can then introduce yourself by putting up a ‘New Thread’ or hit the box with the X on the top right (phones), you could just copy and paste the text from this your first post. You can also join in with existing ‘Discussions’ by clicking on 'reply'.
When it comes to the practical challenges of supporting someone you may benefit from talking with others caring for family and friends so do check out our Family and friends and Carers only groups where you will connect with others supporting family and friends through their cancer journey.
It’s always good to talk so do call the Macmillan Support Services on 0808 808 00 00 - most services are open 8am to 8pm, 7 days a week Clicking here to see what is available.
This service provides lots of cancer information, support, financial guidance or just a listening ear.
We also have Cancer Nurse Team in our Ask an Expert section, but do allow two working days for replies from our expert team.
All the very best ((hugs))
