My mother died 6 weeks ago, on a Tuesday, the Monday after my husband was diagnosed with bowel cancer which turned out to be stage four. I am struggling so much at the moment to hold everything together. The only way I can describe it is I feel as if I’m drowning in cancer.
im an endoscopy nurse with 20+ years experience in oncology and palliative care, six years ago my mum was was diagnosed after a failed colonoscopy in my unit with ovian cancer. After open and shut surgery and being told she had 24-48hrs to live my mum battled on for six years, and it truly was a battle fought by the strongest women Iv ever met! Her journey involved an ilostomy , hysterectomy, seven complete rounds of chemo, Peg tube and TPN feeding! My dad was wonderful throughout. Being a nurse is very hard when it’s such close family as they both needed so much support I often had to be nurse not daughter which is emotionally crippling at times. I learnt how to switch between the two roles at any given second to provide the support required. My mum had just completed her last round of palliative chemo which according to her oncologist was a success but she just didn’t feel right. Mum went downhill very fast but I was able to organise hospice at home so mum had her wish of dying at home, although this was perfect in so many ways it was also emotionally challenging to say the least. I can only describe my mums journey as a rollercoaster ride, and when she died I felt as if I’d docked into the station and could finally breathe again. This feeling lasted 6 days before my husband had a colonoscopy in my unit! for piles???? His 44 fit and healthy and the possibility of cancer had not even crossed our minds. When I was called by a college I knew they had found something as I know the protocol. I can’t describe what going into my work with everyone’s pitying eyes on me was like. A week later we were informed he has extensive liver metastasis, never in my wildest dreams would I have thought this possible. I feel as if I know have to stay on that rollercoaster, only this time it’s going backwards.
last Monday my husband started chemo and on Wednesday we had my mothers funeral. we have two children 20 and 17 who I feel so desperately sorry for as they feel we must be being punished for something we have no idea we did. Everything is just too close to home, it’s like history is just repeating itself for me, everyone’s we see I know well. I’m struggling with the idea of going back to work when we won’t have any answers till we know if the chemo is having an effect, but know I can’t take more sickness time when I have no idea what the future holds.
sorry this is so long I just thought I needed to let it out x
Hi and welcome to the Macmillan Online Community but sorry that you had to find us and especially sorry to hear about your husbands diagnosis and the death of your mum. Such a hard and challenging time for you all.
A cancer diagnosis in the family can be hard to deal with in so many ways but your situation has been magnified out of proportion but the fact that you are here and have put up this post will help you on some way.
I lost my mum back in November (not cancer) and it’s hard so my thoughts are with you.
Talking with others who are walking the same type of cancer treatment journey can help you navigate this difficult time so can I recommend you join our supportive Bowel (colon and rectum) cancer and Liver, secondary cancer groups as these will be a good places to connect with patients and families navigating the same type of cancer journey.
To join a group just click on the link above then choose 'click to join' or 'join' (depending on the device you're using) on the page that opens.
You can then introduce yourself by putting up a ‘New Thread’ or hit the box with the X on the top right (phones), you could just copy and paste the text from this your first post. You can also join in with existing ‘Discussions’ by clicking on 'reply'.
When it comes to the practical challenges of supporting someone you may benefit from talking with others caring for family and friends so do check out our Family and friends and Carers only groups as you will connect with others supporting family and friends through their cancer journey...... and you may find our Bereaved family and friends helpful.
It’s always good to talk so do call the Macmillan Support Services on 0808 808 00 00 - most services are open 8am to 8pm, 7 days a week Clicking here to see what is available. This service can give lots of cancer information, support, financial guidance or just a listening ear. We also have Cancer Nurse Team in our Ask an Expert section, but do allow two working days for replies from our expert team.
All the very best ((hugs))
