I am new to this so if I sound self-absorbed and pathetic i apologise. However, at this moment that is how i feel. I found out last December that my beloved brother has oesophageal cancer. Since then, he's had lots of tests, scans, a pacemaker fitted, appointments with an oncologist, the surgeon etc etc - something almost every week. Throughout it all, he's been positive and upbeat. He is a practising Christian and believes in the power of positive thinking. He seems willing to accept everything as God's will and he believes that the worst that can happen is that he'll go to heaven to be with our three siblings, all who have died in the last five years. His way of coping is to take each step as it comes, not ask too many questions and believe that the medics will do what is neccesary without him knowing the ins and outs.
I, on the other hand, need to know exactly what is involved, what the risks are and what is the expected outcome. My brother starts his chemo on Monday and my sister-in-law has sent me the details. He is having FLOT which sounds like a horror story. He will then have massive surgery and more chemo. If this all saves his life, I will be thrilled but I just don't want him to have to go through it all.I don't want him to have to fight for his life. Why does someone who has been such a good person have to go through this suffering?
I have to always sound positive when I speak to him and my sister-in-law but I am falling apart inside. I do have a few supportive and loyal friends but they have their own stuff going on. I also have a wonderful daughter but she has a stressful NHS job and is supporting her terminally ill father. I have a husband too but, although he is caring in his own way, he's not good at empathy. I just feel very alone right now.
Is any of this familiar to other people or am I just a truly pathetic person?
Hi and warm welcome to the Macmillan Online Community although sorry that you had to find us and especially sorry to hear about your brothers diagnosis.
Everyone will deal with their cancer journey in their own way but looking on is hard. A cancer diagnosis in the family can be challenging in so many ways but talking with others who are walking the same type of cancer support journey will help you navigate this difficult time.
The Community is organised into cancer specific support groups so can I recommend you join our supportive Gullet (oesophagus) cancerrain tumour group as this will be a good place to connect with patients and families navigating the same type of cancer treatment journey.
To join a group just click on the link above then choose 'click to join' or 'join' (depending on the device you're using) on the page that opens.
You can then introduce yourself by putting up a ‘New Thread’ or hit the box with the X on the top right (phones), you could just copy and paste the text from this your first post. You can also join in with existing ‘Discussions’ by clicking on 'reply'.
When it comes to the practical challenges of supporting someone you may benefit from talking with others caring for family and friends so do check out our Family and friends group as you will connect with others supporting family and friends through their cancer journey.
It’s always good to talk and the Macmillan Support Services provides lots of information, support, financial guidance or just a listening ear.
Most services are open 8am to 8pm, 7 days a week and it's free to call on 0808 808 00 00 have a look by Clicking here to see what is available and we also have our Ask an Expert section, but do allow two working days for replies from our expert team.
To find information covering diagnosis, treatments and pages covering most types of cancers can be found on our Online Information and Support Section.
((hugs))
I totally ‘get’ your brother as you could well be talking about me 
But for you, understanding the road ahead better is a good way to deal with what is going on and how best to support him.
Wishing your brother, you and all the family a successful and positive outcome 
