Communication from the family

Hi Gizzy I am new to this community but not to the situation we find ourselves in again but I related to your post.  I come from a large family and even when my parents were alive, they never bothered to keep in touch except for my brother.  When my brother passed away unexpectedly the contact stopped and I felt bereft.  After my mother asked away my daughter was diagnosed with breast cancer, she was 29 years old at the time and during that year of treatment my dad passed.  Since then my daughter had a reoccurrence of her cancer in 2018 warranting surgery and just last week we learned she is stage 4 and back on chemo.  My family have been nowhere to be seen during this period of time.  We live some distance away and I don't expect a visit but a call would be nice.  I don't know what to advise as I don't know your family circs.  We lost our neice in law last year to cancer and it does seem to have changed their attitude as I have had some messages this time but I do know that the value of friends 

Hi , welcome to the Community but so sorry to hear about your husband and the challenges you are facing.

Family politics and cancer can be hard to navigate.

Your husbands wishers are paramount and you do need to respect that. Yes, people may be hurt and annoyed but that is their problem, it’s not yours.

Supporting someone on a cancer journey is hard enough, don’t make it any harder fretting over what others should or could do.

If your husband specifically wants you to ring all his siblings then do it. Some families find it hard to deal with a cancer diagnosis and often one brother of sister can be the contact keeping the others informed, some family members can’t deal with talking about cancer with a sibling..... it can all be very complicated and stressful.

The most important things is to get support for your husbands, your family and you.

I see you have joined a few of our support groups, why not go over to the groups (hit your community name in see the list) and put up some posts or join in with some of the discussions as you will connect with others walking the same journey supporting family and friends through their cancer journey.

It’s always good to talk and the Macmillan Support Services provides lots of information, support, financial guidance or just a listening ear.

Most services are open 8am to 8pm, 7 days a week and it's free to call on 0808 808 00 00 have a look by Clicking here to see what is available and we also have our Ask an Expert section, but do allow two working days for replies from our expert team.

((hugs))

Hi , I just want to welcome to the community as well.

So sorry to hear the challenges your family has been facing and especially about your daughters BC relapse.

The community has various Cancer specific groups and a number Cancer experience support groups.

These would be good places to to connect with others walk the cancer journey both as patient and carers.

To join a group just click on the links above then choose 'click to join' or 'join' (depending on the device you're using) on the group page that opens.

You can then introduce yourself by putting up a ‘New Thread’ or hit the box with the X on the top right (phones). You can also join in with existing ‘Discussions’ by clicking on 'reply'. 

Macmillan Support Services provides lots of information, support, financial guidance or just a listening ear.

Most services are open 8am to 8pm, 7 days a week and it's free to call on 0808 808 00 00 have a look by Clicking here to see what is available and we also have our Ask an Expert section, but do allow two working days for replies from our expert team.

((hugs))

Hi sweetpee18 I am new also. I know that some people don't no what to say to you but a quick hello would be enough. But I still feel angry. I am so sorry to hear about your daughter. So sad about your family. I have only seen my brother once in ten years. No fall out just the way of families. My mum fell out with me just before she passed away last year and it still hurts because it was over nothing. Friends are the key to coping. I will be thinking of you and your daughter sending hugs x

Hi Gizzy

Thank you for your much welcomed reply.  I sat for an hour on the phone yesterday to Macmillan as I sat in my car at Mount Vernon hospital waiting for Gemma to return from her last scan.  They have been amazing, I just ranted on, as I felt pretty angry and the lady just listened.  The call dropped sadly but I felt better so didn't ring back.  On returning home both my brother and my sister in law (different brother) phoned me for an update and to see how we all were.  This was a first for me tbh and may be because they have reflected on the loss of our neice in law last year, who knows.  It was nice though they are a long way away but I have found my friends local to us have been brilliant with practical stuff like walking our dog, feeding the cats so Gemma could stay with us as she needed us being on her own.  Fortunately she was in a bubble with us when all the covid restrictions hit.  We will have to decamp to hers next week as she and her ex hubby share the care of her daughter and she is back with Gemma next week in order to try to keep things as normal as possible whilst breaking the news to her daughter.  Keep posting though because the chats help, my thoughts go out to you and your hubby.  Grab every offer of help its important for you but also to those that offer. Big virtual hugs. 

Hi Mick

Thanks for your post, we think Macmillan us amazing, you have held our hands on and off since 2012 when Gemma was first diagnosed.  We've raised money on coffee mornings for you knowing it pays for all the help we receive and Gemma has finally started to access your services having seen how you have helped me.  So I thank you from the bottom of my heart .  We are on another journey and not giving up!   

Good morning , so good that you found the Macmillan Support Line helpful and thank you for supporting the provision and development of the Macmillan Services.

Even although I have been in remission for over 5 years now I still had to call the support line a few weeks back to talk with a Financial Adviser who was very helpful indeed.

I have been on my cancer journey for over 21 years and have had some great support from the various Macmillan services..... treatment in a Macmillan funded cancer treatment unit, our amazing Macmillan Specialist Cancer Nurse and indeed the Online Community.

This was the reason I was happy to 'pay back' and help out on the Community.

I wish your daughter all the very best in her treatment and you know the various groups on the Community are always open to vent and find support.

((hugs))

Hi Gizzy1

so sorry about your husband's diagnosis.

My own husband was given a terminal GBM4 diagnosis last September. We're not a big family. He told his brother at the time. I last spoke to my brother-in-law on 16 Sept last year and that's the last I have heard from him apart from a thank you message for my niece and nephew's Christmas gifts. He has never made the effort to visit (even when Covid restrictions made it possible). My husband  has spoken to him a handful of times over the months but it is always my husband who calls him. 

I'll admit I'm angry about this. it's his only brother! But at the end of the day, it's him who will have to live with his conscience.

Personally speaking, I feel you're right to feel angry and no I wouldn't be calling them. 

Hang in there

Wee Me  xx