Hi.
My husband was diagnosed with secondary metastatic melanoma on 24th January 2021. An “Accidental discovery”, if you like. When I rang for an ambulance for him, as he was experiencing severe leg pain for the second night in a row, the paramedics suggested kidney stones. 48 hours later, we were told that it was “Definitely not kidney stones”.
My husband had a melanoma 8 years ago, and was given the all-clear 3 years ago. So this news came as a complete shock. The cancer was discovered in his spine (3 vertebrae, top, middle and bottom), in his pericardium, several places in his lungs and in the soft tissue by his right hip. He’s 41. We’ve been together for 19 years, married for 18.
Over the past 9 weeks, he’s had tests, scans, biopsies and a course of 5 sessions of radiotherapy. He’s due to start immunotherapy treatment at the end of April.
I've got over the initial shock - my world imploded when he told me over the phone from his hospital bed, what the scans had showed. And since then, I’ve been “Existing”. Living through a fog of appointments, tests, telephone calls, emails etc. I can’t even begin to think how he’s got his head around it all - he’s been brilliant.
Nobody will give us a definite prognosis. I read things online, which suggest he may have 2 - 6 months. The Thoracic specialist said that it was terminal and maybe we should start to talk about “Things”. But the Oncologist doesn’t seem to be in a rush to do anything, and refuses to give a prognosis, as he says everyone is different, and that 50% of patients respond well to immunotherapy.
My husband has good days and bad days. Two days ago, he couldn’t walk and he was crying in agony. His crutch was on one side, and I held him up on the other side, just to get him to the loo. Then today, he wanted to go out for a drive, which he did, and was walking around the house (Very gingerly) unaided.
Our daughter has learning difficulties and a disability, so she’s finding the whole situation very stressful, and sometimes reacts inappropriately, which doesn’t help.
To be honest, I really don’t know whether I’m coming or going. We have no support in place at home, and I’m worried that I’m not doing my best for my husband and daughter. I’ve no idea why I’m posting on here either, if I’m completely honest. Maybe I just need to get it “Out there”.
Thank you for listening x
Hi JusMe and warm welcome to the Macmillan Online Community although sorry that you had to find us and especially sorry to hear about your husbands diagnosis, after all these years it must have been a shock.
A cancer reoccurrence like this in the family brings many questions but talking with others who are walking the same type of cancer journey will help you navigate this challenging time.
The Community is organised into support groups so can I recommend you join our supportive groups where you can talking with others caring for family and friends. These are links to our Carers only and supporting someone with incurable cancer group where you will connect with others walking the same journey supporting family and friends through their cancer journey.
To join a group just click on the link above then choose 'click to join' or 'join' (depending on the device you're using) on the page that opens.
You can then introduce yourself by putting up a ‘New Thread’ or hit the box with the X on the top right (phones), you could just copy and paste the text from this your first post. You can also join in with existing ‘Discussions’ by clicking on 'reply'.
It’s always good to talk and the Macmillan Support Services provides lots of information, support, financial guidance or just a listening ear.
Most services are open 8am to 8pm, 7 days a week and it's free to call on 0808 808 00 00 have a look by Clicking here to see what is available and we also have our Ask an Expert section, but do allow two working days for replies from our expert team.
All the very best ((hugs))
