Emotional support, coming to terms with diagnosis

Hi Klertie,  I am so sorry you are going through this.  I was diagnosed around mid December and was fortunately living alone for the first couple of weeks as my sons had moved out and husband was abroad at his mother's funeral.  This gave me the space and privacy to express my emotions as otherwise like you I would have kept them in.  There is no way I would be able to cry or be upset in front of husband and children.  

You do need to let it out though especially if you feel you are deliberately holding back the tears.  You will feel better if you do.  If you drive maybe go for a drive and park somewhere quiet and safe (supermarket car park at night) and just have a good old sob.  If you don't feel like crying then that's ok just don't hold it in if that's what you're doing.

We have all have blind panics especially at night when we are less busy.  You should try the AWAKE tread its under the chat section of the breast cancer group.  Will try and post a link to it in a bit.  There are lots of us there like you and others who have been cancer free for a year or more.  You can chat to us about anything, you can rant and rave and stress or just be silly and light hearted.  there is usually someone awake and on that thread at most hours of the night if not at all hours.

When you are in a panic try and remember that breast cancer is very treatable these days and what you have gone through so far is not unusual there will be others like you who are out the other end and living normal lives again.  

Describing it is a runaway train is quite apt, any description used by most of us is that it's like being on a rollercoaster.  You will have ups and downs and sometimes you will be scared and at authorities you will be fine.

You should try reading peoples profiles, it really helps me, and you should also do your profile if you haven't yet as it will help people going through what you are find you.

Sending big virtual hugs and xx

Hi Klertie,

Lovely name, I like you have had a recent diagnosis, however not as progressive as yours.  I am in the same boat as you as I don't know how to tell people, open up about my condition,  know how to feel. Even when I told my family it was like I was talking about someone else as I was I suppose in denial. Even now I carry on as nothing has changed when really I should  be doing things differently and probably shouldn't be going into work each day as my symptoms are now presenting themselves in that I can be irritable, moody and weary. Sleep for me too is a novelty as you said it is normally the time for our minds to work overtime. 

If your 10 year old does not already know about your condition you could tell him through a book, there are lots available that cover the subject of someone being ill in the family. Speak to your husband, involve him in your decisions, lean on him when you need to. Cry and cry some more. From how you describe yourself, you are strong and obviously a very fit person, but take time to heal, make time for yourself and do things things that maybe you haven't done for a while. 

I am just about to contact the Macmillan team for support and perhaps you will too. 

Take care, keep well and stay safe.

Franc

This link will hopefully take you to the AWAKE thread.

https://community.macmillan.org.uk/cancer_types/breast-cancer-forum/f/breast-cancer-forum/128753/awake/1529135#1529135 

Hi franc69, I had replied to you thinking you had breast cancer.  You may have already done this but there should be a blood cancer group you might want to post on.  I think it's blood cancer you have?  You will probably get more responses and support more suited to you if you post there as well.

Wishing you all the best and sending hugs and xx.