I'm struggling with caring for my dad

FormerMember over 4 years ago

2 replies
24 subscribers
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I'm at such a loss the last few weeks have been the worst times of my life my dad was admitted to hospital struggling to breath with vomiting blood his been diagnosed with cancer of the neck and throat. we was left for a week not knowing how bad if it could be treated ect. I was a mess unable to even function to look after my children my dad is now home with so much medical equipment its overwhelming. He has a tracheostomy fitted and can barely talk he can not eat he is completely tube fed by me medicine goes in the tube to his lost so much weight and cant keep the tube food down im failing my dad is half the size he was.He is currently having radio therapy and is due to start cemo next week he is also just getting over covid im struggling emotionally. Im trying to home school my kids ive had to move myself from my home in Kent to London to live with him my poor kids. Everything is a mess I just want to help him and try get him better his not ok emotionally himself either his struggling and taking it out on me his very snappy ive cried so much lately im tired.

Beesuit over 4 years ago

Hello Amy.

So sorry about your dad. No wonder you feel so overwhelmed.

Are you getting any practical help from your GP and District Nurse? You can't be expected to take all this upon yourself.

The community has different sections where you can explore and connect for support

I am Dani and I hang out at Head and Neck Cancer Group You could click on the link and post there.

Macmillan has a support line where you can talk through how you feel and get advice. It's open seven days a week 8am to 8pm and the number is 0808 808 00 00

In addition you could have look in the Family and Friends section or the Carers Only section

Remember you are not alone.

Dani

Base of tongue cancer. T2N0M0 6 weeks Radiotherapy finished January 2019

I BLOGGED MY TREATMENT

Macmillan Support Line - 0808 808 00 00 7 days a week between 8am-8pm

FormerMember over 4 years ago

Hello Amy1991,

I honestly feel for you, i truly do. It seems so much has happened in such a short time and you've not had to to take it all in, it's just been go, go, go. I'm sorry to hear of your dad's diagnosis, it is so hard to take it all in. My mum has lung cancer, so not the same as your dad, but it's been the same for me too, one day all is ok and then boom, cancer becomes part of your life.

Homeschooling is hard enough in the current situation, but having your dad's illness and having to move with your children is just a great deal of stress for you. Your dad is probably feeling shocked and scared too and it all comes out somehow, i'm sure he doesn't mean to take it out on you. I've had a few moments where i've snapped at my hubby, and i don't mean to, but i'm scared, emotional and tired and he understands and doesn't take it to heart. So perhaps your dad is finding his own emotions a little hard too?

Do you have any support for you? This is so important or you'll burn out very quickly. Do you get help with the children? Being a parent and now your dad's carer/helper will keep you busy, so you need to make sure you take time for you, i know this isn't always easy from my own experience. I have spoken to the Macmillan support line and they have been fantastic, so supportive and just listen, which is all i needed, so please try them, if you can. Or you GP, i spoke to mine today as i think everything has finally hit me over the last few days, i too have just cried, so i honestly feel for you.

Sending hugs to you and always here to talk xxx