Hi, Iv never done anything like this before but I feel I’m at breaking point and don’t know where to turn.
very suddenly in October my mum fell very ill Over night. Was in her full time job one day the next in intensive care. It turned out she has secondary cancer of the lungs and bones but they still can’t find the primary cancer. Any treatment they can offer is only to prolong life not cure. I was absolutely heart broken as she is only 53 and I’m 31 losing my mum.
I felt like I was in complete control at the start. I have a 4 year old and 1 year old and was just returning to work after maternity leave. The drs very kindly gave me sick papers to give me time to adjust to the news and help care for my mum as she is very limited now on what she can do.
all of a sudden I feel like I’m not in control anymore. Iv had my youngest son in and out of hospital these past few weeks with my eldest son in 2 isolations in 6 weeks because of someone in his school bubble having covid. And my step dads father died of covid in this time. This meant Iv had to keep away from my mum and grandparents (my mums parents). I’m the main support for my mum, step dad and grandparents.
I feel so angry for so many reasons and I know none are my mums fault. But I feel like I’m grieving for the life I had before my mum had cancer. My main support, my on tap childcare my pop to the shop on your lunch break in work person and the I havnt been good shopping chuck something in the oven for us mum. My boys have lost their nanna yes she’s still here but there’s no running around the park with them she can’t even pick my one year old up anymore. I am just finding it heart breaking and at a point that I can’t control my feelings. I hate myself for feeling this way and also have lost interest in anything that makes me happy as I feel I just can’t be.
Sorry that was very long winded but I’m so scared and feel so alone that I hope one person can read this and tell me it’s all normal and I’m not completely losing my mind.
Hi stacy
I'm very sorry to read that you have recently discovered that your mum has secondary lung and bone cancer with an unknown primary. This must be a very tough time for you especially as I see that you only posted a few weeks ago in the ask a nurse section of the community about your dad having discovered that he had secondary liver cancer.
As the community is divided up into various support groups I'm going to recommend a few for you to join. So that you can ask questions and share experiences about your dad's cancer can I suggest that you join the bowel cancer and secondary liver cancer groups. Then for your mum you might like to join the unknown primary cancer, secondary lung and secondary bone cancer groups.
It is also important that you get support for yourself and the carers only group is a safe and supportive place to share your worries and concerns with others who have loved ones living with cancer.
To join any or all of these groups just click on the links I've created and then choose 'click to join' or 'join' (depending on the device you're using) on the page that opens. You can then introduce yourself and post questions in the same way as you did here and join in with existing conversations by clicking on 'reply'.
When you have a minute, it would be really useful if you could pop something about your mum and dad's journeys so far into your profile as it really helps others when answering or looking for someone with a similar diagnosis. It also means that you don't have to keep repeating yourself. To do this click on your username and then select 'Profile'. You can amend it at any time and if you're not sure what to write you can take a look at mine by clicking on my username.
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"Never regret a day in your life, good days give you happiness, bad days give you experience"
