Hi! I’m Yoli
ive been debating for a while if I should join to the group. I was diagnosed with stage 1 of ovarian cancer, It got detected quite fast and I had 2 abdominal surgeries in 6 weeks. My right ovary and tuve got removed and I didn’t have to do chemo. Now I have to do check ups every 4 months. To be honest I didn’t know that this process could have so much emotional repercussions. I only wanted to be free. I found myself struggling with a lot of anxiety at times and I get a bit scared or frustrated because I don’t know how to react, or still just crying randomly but then feeling sad and guilty because I feel like I shouldn’t feel this way because now I’m cancer free, and because I didn’t have to go through such a long and painful process like other cases. But every time I look back it just reminds me of how scared I was, the pain, the vomiting, the not wanting to fight the feeling discouraged. I’m very grateful and I feel like a have a new perspective in life, I feel like a different person, sometimes I like it and sometimes I don’t. Sometimes I feel like people understand and sometimes I don’t. I still don’t know how to express everything I feel and goes through my head. Every time I take a shower I cry and sometimes I don’t know if I know why. I don know what else to say. I’m sorry if this is out of place or insensitive.
Lots of love, Yoli
Hi Yoli and welcome to the Macmillan Community.
I am so glad you have successfully got through so far and you are cancer free.
There is nothing insensitive about your post. It simply puts into words what happens to more than a few people in recovery.
This diagnosis of cancer throws us all into a dark place. A place of uncertainty and pain both mental and physical. Once we have fought through the fire what on earth is on the other side?
Have a read of Dr Peter Harvey's paper on After treatment finishes
I think it encapsulates brilliantly what a lot of us feel and why.
There is an Ovarian Cancer Forum you could put a toe into if you feel ready to revisit anything
Good luck and all the best
Dani
Base of tongue cancer. T2N0M0 6 weeks Radiotherapy finished January 2019
