My husband passed away on Thursday from throat cancer. I’m 36 years old and we have a 17 month old baby. Im left with our business to run which scares the hell out of me. I can’t take any time off as I have to support myself and my baby. We both have big families so I’m lucky I have a big support network. I’ve stopped eating. I’ve tried to eat but I physically cannot stomach anything to eat and I know I have to be strong for my baby. I’ve never lost anyone before and this is the first time I’ve experienced grief. I’m totally heartbroken. There’s so much to sort out. I’m devastated that we can only have 30 people attend his funeral. I just feel sick all the time and so so sad. I miss him so much.
Hi and a warm welcome to the Macmillan Online Community, a Community that no one really plans to see themselves joining, and so so sorry to hear about the sad death of your husband, do accept my deepest condolences.
My mum died just a few weeks ago (not from cancer) and it was hard to only see 20 people allowed at the funeral.
Due to me being in the very vulnerable to COVID group I was not allowed into the hospital to be with her when she passed 
A cancer death in the family brings a lot of confusion, stress and many many practical questions but talking with other people who are on the same type of journey will help a lot.
You may want to join our very supportive Bereaved spouses and partners group as this is the place where you will connect with others walking this journey.
Follow the above link then choose ‘click to join' or ‘join’ when the page opens.
You can then introduce yourself, post questions or just join in with existing discussions by clicking on 'reply'.
Its always good to talk and the Macmillan Support Services provides lots of information, support or just a listing ear.
Most services are open 8am to 8pm, 7 days a week and it's free to call on 0808 808 00 00 have a look by Clicking here to see what is available.
You can use other methods to contact our Support Services (LINK) and we also have our Ask an Expert section, but do allow two working days for replies from our expert team.
This is a hard and challenging time for you but do follow up on the links above and do call the helpline as there are some amazing people ready to help you as best as they can
All I can do is send you a ward ((hug))
Thank you for directing me to the bereaved spouses group. I do hope this helps in some way. I’m sorry to hear about your mum. I wasn’t allowed to see my husband either because of Covid
