Devastated

FormerMember over 4 years ago

3 replies
25 subscribers
676 views

My darling partner has cancer in his hips . Today he saw the consultant for the first time ( he s been in hospital for 6 weeks now as the pain got too much and could nt walk let alone stand ) I was nt with him today when he went to his 4 day of 6 days of radiotherapy . I went to see him tonight first time in 6 days . He was v v v tired and a bit out of it but he told me the consultant told him he has about 2 years to live !!!!!!!! I feel sick I m in shock numb in fear devastated . He said he will fight I said we both will . Also said not to tell family ( yet ) . We just held each other and a just could let go of his hand . After I left around the time he was having supper I went to my mums for dinner . They asked how he was . But I could nt let on at this time . When he saw the orthopaedic and trauma consultant end of September after many scans etc he told us people who have this can go on for years . . . So . My poor poor man had had cancer last year of the head and neck and had two v brutal operations under an extremely wonder surgeon she was brilliant. He was given the all clear in May ( so we thought ) but he started getting pain in hips leg n back . After call after call after call with gp ( no face to face appointments) treated for siatica with pain killers and pointless exercises from physio therapist. Pain got to much and after weeks of sleeping downstairs upright on the couch a phone call to a wonderful Macmillan nurse from last year could tell it was now urgent arranged an ambulance for him to take him in to hospital ( 17 October) more scans tests etc . Was discussed for him to go Stanmore then last minute that plane was scrapped and decided radiotherapy was the best route . So here we are radiotherapy nearly finished . A weekly injection to help strengthen bone and hormone replacement as cancer attacking hormone s . Radiotherapy to fuse bones togther And a lot of hope that please please all this works . I am devastated that this will take him from me . I m so scared . I cannot even begin to think how he is feeling / coping in hospital alone . Visits v few and far between and v short I am not a strong person by any means but now I have to be to help support and love him and be there . He is hopefully coming home next week if he is strong/ well enough . Have carers in place and equipment coming next week and changing our front room for him to come home . . . We both want that as soon as he strong enough . It’s all I want

MrT1 over 4 years ago

Hi ktc63

Really sorry to read of your husbands diagnosis and hope he is comfortable in hospital and his future treatments go really well for you both. Welcome to this community that no one wants to join, it is a great place to reach out to for advice and support.

Reading your post my first thought was that doctors are brilliant but their prognosis can be adrift particularly when it concerns a really determined and positive person. I know that from personal experience. Some really important factors that will help. Keeping positive, very difficult and there will be good days and not so good days along the way. Listen to the advice given by the nursing team and implement all that they advise. Take one day at a time, each appointment one at a time, it’s easy to run ahead into the unknown future and try to plan out each step in advance, try to avoid doing that.

Talk to your husband all the time about this journey you are both on. Talk about those difficult questions at the right time or whenever your husband wants to. Getting our fears out of our heads and in the open really does help.hug each other a lot and cry together or alone as much as you need to. Telling the family is a tricky subject and can only be down to you guys to do this when you are feeling strong and ready. my experiences having been through this journey 3 times now is that delaying was not something we felt was helpful and letting our loved ones know in a gentle loving way worked best for us. There are threads about this I’m sure on the site and others will I hope give you some guidance on their feelings about this. To me this is aspect is down to your best judgement, you know the people and the circumstances and need to tread carefully along that path towards your goal of telling loved ones or not. Decisions for your husband and yourself to talk through and decide.

Be good to yourself. Your husband is very lucky to have you by his side but you need all your strength you can muster now. So eat well the two of you. Try to sleep as much as you can, so difficult I know with all of this going on but rest is essential. This is a battle now. You know the enemy and you have loads of people and resources on your side.

wishing you so much

Cancer may affect my body, but I won’t let it affect my spirit

MrT1 over 4 years ago

Sometimes this site is fiddly to work with ............

needed to add I really hope your husband is back home with you soon, it is the best place to be I have found. Set that as your goal and do all that you need to do to make it happen.
MrT1

Cancer may affect my body, but I won’t let it affect my spirit

latchbrook over 4 years ago

Hi and a very warm welcome to the online community

I'm very sorry to read how much you and your husband have been through and I understand only too well how devastating a cancer diagnosis can be.

I had a peek at your profile to see what type of cancer your husband was diagnosed with but you haven't completed it yet. I think, from reading your post here, that your husband had cancer of the head and neck which has spread to his bones.

As the community is divided up into various groups I'm going to recommend some groups for you to join where you can ask questions, share experiences and get support.

The first two are the head and neck cancer and secondary bone cancer groups which are great places to ask questions about treatment, etc and to share experiences with others who have that type of cancer. The other group is for carers only and is a safe and supportive place to share your worries and emotions.

To join any or all of these groups just click on the link I've created and then choose 'click to join' or 'join' (depending on the device you're using) on the page that opens. You can then introduce yourself and post your questions in the same way as you did here and join in with existing conversations by clicking on 'reply'.

When you have a minute, it would be really useful if you could pop something about your husband's journey so far into your profile as it really helps others when answering or looking for someone with a similar diagnosis. It also means that you don't have to keep repeating yourself. To do this click on your username and then select 'Profile'. You can amend it at any time and if you're not sure what to write you can take a look at mine by clicking on my username.

If you have any difficulty navigating the community just drop me a reply and I'll be pleased to help.

"Never regret a day in your life, good days give you happiness, bad days give you experience"