Breast Cancer Diagnosis Today

Hi Bex,

Thanks so much for your reply. It's lovely to hear from you and to hear your story and how you are doing so well now. It really helps talking to someone who has been through it. I hope you had someone there for you when you first started all this.

You are definitely right about life being all about the small things and appreciating it a lot more. We had a lovely walk today and though it's always there I tried to put it to the back of my mind for a couple of hours and just enjoy what we had.

Have a lovely weekend. You live in s lovely part of the UK to be able to do that.

Talk soon and take care.

Lolly x

Hi Lolly,

I wish i had come on here at the start of my journey, i think i would have been the same as you and found it a comfort.

Hubby was with me sort of, we had to shield from each other in the house whilst i had chemo, as it was the start of Covid lockdown, so separate bedrooms, no contact, only one person in the kitchen to prepare food , eat separately etc, it was hard but i followed him around the garden in the summer like a lost puppy, so we chatted loads.

There were times i was crying on the bed and he could only stand in the doorway and say things would be ok, bless him. I think Covid has so much to answer to, and as soon as they get that vaccine out, the better. I think you and i will be in the top tier to have it, and that means your whole household, so hubby's too.

I know its all you will think about hunni, i remember that well, but through each stage you will find more comfort. Once the professionals have hold of you its surprising how safe and cared for you feel. Like everything will be ok. I just wrote all my treatments and appointments down on a calendar on the wall and scored through them with a big black marker, it really helped!

Please try to have as nice a weekend as you can, i know exactly what you are feeling, and so i won't say 'try not to worry' as everyone told me, i will just say, the quicker Tuesday gets here, the quicker we will get you sorted, then we can sort the next bit and the next bit and so on.

Hopefully the weather will behave at the weekend, and so you can have some more lovely walks.

Thinking of you sweety, big hugs.

Please take care.

Bex xx

Hi Bex,

You are the only person I know who knows exactly how I'm feeling and so you know that saying 'try not to worry' doesn't work. Its impossible not to worry but anyone who hasnt  been through this  has no idea how it feels though they mean well.

Thank you for being there. Talk soon and take care .

Lolly x

Hi Lolly,

What an awful day weather wise, its been chucking it down all day. I hope you have had a reasonably good weekend? I can imagine what you have been feeling, and you are right with people meaning well, they want to say something but don't know exactly what. I found that there are 3 categories of people, ones that completely ignore the fact you have cancer and never mention it, the ones who skirt about the topic and want to help but don't know how, and the ones who are really up front and not scared to ask anything. I prefer the 3rd category i think!

How is your Mum doing? Does she live in Manchester too?

I promise things will seem clearer from Tuesday, you will have a plan, and the full knowledge that the professional's are right there helping you through this. 

I was thinking, when you have had your treatment, and Covid has gone away, we should meet for a drink or something. I mean its only an idea, but we are 2 people who's circumstances are so alike, something to think about anyway.

Stay safe, and if you are watching I'm a celeb tonight, enjoy (i love it)!

Speak soon, thanks for being there too.

Bex xx

Hi Bex,

Lovely to hear from you today. I needed cheering up. The weather is so awful. It's depressing.  I went to visit my mum (who only lives 10 minutes away from me) She was talking about putting her Christmas tree up soon as she's feeling a bit better and I feel  so guilty knowing that in a few days time I will completely ruin her Christmas and probably set her illness back again .  I worry that she's not string enough to take the news. Did you feel like that?  Does your mum live near you?

How was your husband when you first got the news? Mine is so quiet  and although he's trying to be his usual self I can see how sad he is . It's so awful knowing that this doesn't just affect us but everyone around us 

I know what you mean about people. I prefer the 3rd category too. 

I think that would be a lovely idea to meet up when everything is over. We have a motorhome so are always up and down the country. I feel as if I know you already and like you say we have a lot in common.

I've never watched I'm a Celebrity but we've been watching Last Tango in Halifax (we didn't watch it when it was first on) and it's such a lovely program to watch. If you haven't already seen it I definitely recommend it. It's just normal and helps you forget about things for s while.

Anyway enjoy I'm A Celebrity tonight and take care. Thanks for being in touch on your weekend

Lolly x

Hi Lolly,

Thank you for your message, I'm so sorry the weekend was poopy for you, i can absolutely understand why though, apart from the weather.

My Mum also lives about 10 minutes away from me, and to answer your questions, yes i did worry that she wasn't strong enough to take the news, and also that it might set her back. But do you know, talking to her since then, she said she was so glad i chose to share it with her and asked for her help. She seemed to focus on helping me then, and after all, thats what Mums are the best at doing isn't it, they love to nurture and care. I bet she will surprise you Lolly, and i also bet it won't ruin her Christmas at all, in fact you have the perfect distraction for taking your mind off things. Don't forget your Mum is also another person who has a membership to this awful club we belong to.

My hubby is a really quiet man anyway, he just kept everything to himself, and i worried about what it was doing to him, i felt guilty almost you know?

I decided to chat to him about it, before my treatment started, and it turns out he was just thinking it all over and coming to terms with it. He said once he knew what we were up against, he felt better. When i went for the appointment that you are having tomorrow, he asked more questions than i did! Then he seemed to be able to talk about it more. Someone told me that men internalise a lot, and if he's a bit unsure about what it all means, i would imagine he won't want to ask you things he knows you don't know about yet either.

I've heard that the Last Tango in Halifax is really good, and i may just take you up on your recommendation and start to watch that. I love a bit of easy watch telly!

I am so going to be thinking of you tomorrow, and i won't bother you until you post a message to say what they have decided to do and the biopsy results etc.

Once you have done this bit, it all seems a bit easier, theres no nasty surprises after they have told you whats what, and i am here for you no matter what too.

It does feel like we've known each other for ages, and we will definitely plan a meet up once you are back to fitness. It will give us something to look forward to, i'm totally jealous of your motorhome, what a fantastic way to be able to see this brilliant country we live in.

Remember to ask lots of questions tomorrow, but don't worry about taking it all in, it will probably be a lot of info at once.

Thinking of you Lolly.

Massive hugs.

Bex xx

Hi Bex,

For some reason this didn't come through on my email like your others so I've only just seen this 

Well I've had my appointment and the result is that I have to have a mastectomy. I am absolutely devastated. Apparently due to the size of the lump and the size of my breast it's the only thing they can do. I haven't stopped crying since I came out. Poor Ian is trying to be really positive but I can't see any positives in this at all.

I go back on Monday to talk about the plan and to say if I want reconstructive surgery at the same time but I can't even think that far ahead. They will do it within 4 weeks they say so just in time for Christmas! 

I feel this is going to be even harder to tell my mum now .

Everyone says you feel better after your appointment but I feel ten times worse now .

Glad you're there though.

Lolly x

Hi Lolly,

Well lets be methodical with this.

Ok, a mastectomy, my Mum had one and she was up and about within a few hours and home. She had to rest but had checkups every few days to make sure the scar was healing, but she didn't opt for reconstructive surgery.

Our friend had a mastectomy and did opt for reconstructive surgery and that was 5 years ago, she is all good and her boobs are amazing!

I know what a shock the news is to actually hear, but after a couple of days when it has sunk in, you will see the positives, i mean they are doing something and can help you, so this is all good.

Call Macmillan too, i did and they are brilliant, they know exactly what to say and just listen whilst you let it all out.

Ian will probably be relieved you know what you are facing, and i know that it seems like a 10 foot wall has just been placed in front of you, but honestly Lolly, in small chunks, you will do this, and you CAN do this.

Also, they are doing the operation whilst this awful Covid is on, and that is massive. I was so grateful that i had my treatment all the way through the summer whilst some people had their treatments stopped.

So did they tell you the size of the tumour? Did they say you will have some tests in the meantime?

Let me know when you plan on telling your Mum, the positives are, it is treatable, they know what to do, and you are going to have nice new (pert) boobs!

I am absolutely here for you, if i could hug you and hold your hand right now, i would be there like a shot.

Let it sink in Lolly sweetheart, part one done, i'm proud of you.

Got my Herceptin jab today at 9am, it doesn't hurt, it goes in your thigh muscle, worst thing about that is having to pay to park!

I was thinking of you when i woke up this morning, will be thinking of you today.

I was wondering how we could get our mobile numbers to each other, obviously we can't put them on here, we'll have all sorts texting us lol.

Bex xx

Hi Bex

Well I cried all night and don't think I've got any tears left so that's one good thing. Poor Ian must be so fed up already though he does seem to be taking it better than me as he sees a solution to the problem and knows we have a plan.

Your letter has made me see some positives and you're right at least they are doing something especially in these horrible times.

The tumour is 4.5cm and I've got an appointment on Monday to go through the treatment plan and decide if I want the reconstruction. As far as I know no more tests, just a pre op before hand.

Good luck with your jab today. Glad it's not too painful.

I was thinking too about how to exchange numbers or email addresses but not sure how. Will try and think of a way.

Take care and thanks for thinking of me.

Lolly x

Hi Lolly,

I hate to think of you crying all night, everything comes at you at a million miles an hour at this point, but you are amazing, never forget that.

So 4.5cm ok, thats not horrendous, my Mums was over 6 cm, and she is in remission so we'll get you through this.

Do you think you'll want reconstruction? There's a lot to think about, i mean it involves Ian too of course, Mum wears 'falsies' they are waterproof and all so she can go swimming, but other than that just wears a padded bra.

Sorry to go on about my Mum, but i'm just trying to draw from her and my experiences to help, if i'm not helping and you just want to chat about other things let me know, i just want to help you through this.

I bet Ian isn't in the slightest fed up, they see things in a lot more of a rational way, very black and white if you like. I wish i could sometimes, us girlies tend to imagine everything worse case scenario, I know my Mark was always helping me with the positives and moral.

The positives here are huge, treatment is possible (thats massive) and they want to get you sorted, so lets grab those bits for a minute.

I imagine what you look like ha ha (not in a weird way), it's funny how we build up a mental picture of someone we've been talking to but never seen.

I will ask around to see how we can sort out email and mobile details too, i'm not very tech savvy, so will have to ask someone younger!

I'll keep checking in, and i will promise that when all this is over, i will buy you the biggest glass of champagne we can find!

Big hugs

Bex xx