New here, wanting to share & find strength

4 replies
25 subscribers
909 views

Hi all,

Its good to talk isnt it?

My dad passed away 2 yrs ago from bowel cancer/sepsis having survived prostate cancer previously so some experof going through it before & now my husband has bowel cancer.

Our relationship was rocky before, I felt used & taken for granted & now I am caring for him. We have both been out of work since lockdown with me getting literally a few hours a week. We are applying for universal credit. He is being very stubborn not dipping into savings.

He isn't very positive & gets depressed which was my big worry as I know you can fight this being positive. He is also type 2 diabetic. I can't fault the treatment from oncology & gp so far. I can talk to my mum but they never had the best relationship before & now says he could be positive to get through this & help himself more. So everytime I say something she is negataive about him. Our kids know but otherwise we haven't told friends yet. Having to be super cautious about covid means we are basically home alone.

Hes had 3 cycles of chemo, had mouth ulcers, feeling feint, lost loads of weight, rash over upper body & face. Gets out of breath, yesterday a scan found 2 clots in his arm & is now injecting daily anticoagulants.

He's biting everyone's head off, & not being very sympathetic to the kids 12.15 & 18 adjustment to all of this.

Hoping to share & gain strength with others, nice finding somewhere to dip in & out of anytime of day.

Stay safe & well everyone x

FormerMember over 4 years ago

Hello,

saw you post in incurable section. I am new here too, husband older than I, furloughed (me), extended sick leave/retirement/whatever for my husband, 2 kids at uni living at home. Husband also now injecting blood thinners.
Our friends and family know but physically distancing.
I have zero experience of death and illness, as the only thing i have lost were pets. I am feeling like a rabbit caught in headlights.

Wifey3 over 4 years ago in reply to FormerMember

Thanks for your reply. Things move fast don't they. You hang on every word of the experts, write things down & then the questions start in your head. I find men so quiet you have to keep asking how they are. Then you are accused of nagging.

We told some close friends last night so at least I can share thoughts with a few of them & they will realise why I don't always manage to get out.

Best of luck to you both x

MrT1 over 4 years ago

really sorry to read your post but so pleased you have been very brave and made your first post, which is always the most difficult one.

fingers crossed that matters for both improve and your husband finds relief quickly from these side effects of the treatment.

you are quite correct a positive attitude is really helpful, very hard to maintain 24 hours a day and there will be down times even for the bravest of souls.in the end we can only do so much, we can’t create the miracles we desperately seek no matter how hard we try. But miracles do happen so there is always hope in every situation.

in my trials I have discovered the need to take one step at a time, and small steps at that. Trying to think through the whole of a problem end to end is very tiring and counter productive.

there are so many difficulties facing you both with COVID making everything so much more stressful and restricting, but we can only do the best we can. I have found peace by being able to reflect and say that I did the very best I could do, even though at the time I could not be convinced of that.

sending you strength and best wishes

Cancer may affect my body, but I won’t let it affect my spirit

Wifey3 over 4 years ago in reply to MrT1

Thanks for your reply & best wishes