Nearly 4 years ago I was sent for my first routine mammogram 6 months shy of my 50th birthday. I was a bit taken aback - I'm not 50 yet and have to endure these already! I was initially diagnosed with cancer in both breasts and told it was possible I would need a double mastectomy. Further mammograms and a biopsy revealed only fatty tissue in one but a sizeable tumour in the other. It was behind the nipple and couldn't be detected by feel - several nurses came to see if they could detect it and failed! I had to decide whether to have a lumpectomy or a mastectomy and it was stressed that a lumpectomy would leave me with not a lot and the weighty part cone which would make it difficult to find a comfy prosthesis. I wasn't offered a reconstruction at the same time but told I could have one at a later date if I wished. After a brief discussion with my husband I decided to "get rid" and have a mastectomy. There is family history of breast cancer so I wanted to hedge my bets. I didn't feel "why me" just a lets get on with it attitude. My op went well but there was a bed shortage so instead of the planned overnight stay I was sent home. Later I felt like michelin man and hubby wanted to take me back to hospital - I refused and went to bed. Little did I know I could have died that night - I had a post op bleed! Thankfully my body sorted it but the next day I had what appeared to be huge bruises all over my torso. The following weeks brought more swelling and bleeding from the wound and then an infection. at one point I was going every other day to hospital for dressing changes - a horrendous time. I joined a local independent support group recommended by the hospital - only went to 2 meetings - everyone was so much older than me and wanted to moan. I was put on awaiting list for counselling but the appointments kept getting cancelled so it never happened. Sinking into depression, I decided the best thing was to get back to work and normality. Now I realise this was too soon - I had a staggered start back and worked up to full time but this was less than 5 months after my op. I am on hormone meds and have yearly checks on the other breast but emotionally I am a mess. I have found COVID very stressful and have been having severe nightmares over the last 5 months. I have been off work sick for 3 weeks and have been referred to counselling by GP but this is just general, not specialized counselling and I gather the waiting list is huge. I feel silly that I didn't act sooner. My relationship with my husband is strained - I find it hard to believe he still feels the same about me - when I look in the mirror all I see is the ugly scar. I didn't want to jump straight to the breast cancer group as don't want to scare newly diagnosed ladies! Emotionally this has not gone away. I don't feel I really want a reconstruction - why have an op just for looks? and frankly there's just me and hubby that sees it. Which group do you recommend I join?
Hi and a very warm welcome to the online community
I'm sorry to read all that you've been through since your breast cancer diagnosis but you've come to the right place to chat to others who will understand how you're feeling and what you've gone through.
The breast cancer group would be the best group to join and you don't need to worry about scaring new people. You'll find plenty of people there who are at the same stage as you or have even been in the group for years but are still willing to share their experiences and offer support.
To join just click on the link I've created and then choose 'click to join' or 'join' (depending on the device you're using) on the page that opens. You can then introduce yourself and post questions and join in with existing conversations by clicking on 'reply'.
When you have a minute, it would be really useful if you could pop something about your journey so far into your profile as it really helps others when answering or looking for someone with a similar diagnosis. It also means that you don't have to keep repeating yourself. To do this click on your username and then select 'Profile'. You can amend it at any time and if you're not sure what to write you can take a look at mine by clicking on my username.
Sending a ((hug))
"Never regret a day in your life, good days give you happiness, bad days give you experience"
