Hi all,
Sorry if this is a lot more trivial compared to all the other posts I've seen.
My 75 year old FIL has just been diagnosed with stomach and liver cancer than in incurable. I'm looking for advice as to how to be the best support for both him and my wife. Does anyone have any recommended reading or FAQs on how to be the rock for people going through this?
Hi and welcome to the Online Community, a Community that no one ever really plans to see themselves joining, and so sorry to hear about your father in law. It’s great that you want better support him and your wife as an incurable cancer diagnosis brings a lot of confusion, stress and many questions but I think you would benefit greatly from talking with other people who are on the same type of support journey.
The Community has various support groups so can I direct you to our Carers only, Family and friends and Supporting someone with incurable cancer groups a great benefit as you will connect with others supporting family through their cancer journey.
Follow the links I've created above then choose ‘click to join' when the page opens.
You can then introduce yourself and post questions selecting '+New' or '+' (depending on your device) you can also join in with existing discussions by clicking on 'reply'.
Its always good to talk and the Macmillan Support Services provides lots of information, support or just a listing ear.
The service is open every day 8am to 8pm and it's free to call on 0808 808 00 00 have a look by Clicking here for more information.
You can also email them, use the online chat and we also have our Ask an Expert section, but do allow two working days for replies from our expert team.
Our Online Information and Support Section is a good place to find information covering diagnosis, treatments and pages covering most types of cancers.
All the very best.
Hi muffinmallow
Sorry to hear of you father in laws sad diagnosis, a really distressing time and at such a young age as well. You wife and her family are lucky to have you in their corner reaching out to find ways of easing the situation.
My experience is that the ways to support those dealing with a terminal illness are very varied but ultimately are governed by the needs and preferences of the person battling the illness. We can make suggestions but don’t be offended if these are not all received well. It is a highly emotional time and things can be said that can be misconstrued in the height of emotion. But talking is essential and just being there to help with appointments, shopping etc will be greatly appreciated. There may be lots of medication and this can be awfully confusing and will need careful management.
being ‘the rock’ doesn’t mean you can’t cry when you need to, I think it is essential and frees the mind a little of the multitude of worries whizzing around, leaving your thought processes a little clearer. I have cried plenty over the years, both before each of my two wives passed away and again after, but I was there primary career and their rock. Be there for each other and hug a lot, there is nothing like a hug to convey a multitude of emotions unspoken.
Eating during these times is really a struggle but do try to get yourselves eating well. Plenty of fresh air and walks will be good. you are all going to need lots of physical strength as well as emotional.
Wishing you all peace at this really distressing time.
Cancer may affect my body, but I won’t let it affect my spirit
Whatever cancer throws your way, we’re right there with you.
We’re here to provide physical, financial and emotional support.
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