Feeling lost

Hi and a very warm welcome to the online community

I think how you're feeling is very common, if not completely normal, amongst those of us who have had cancer. Once your friends and family see you have finished your treatment they often think you're 'cured' and that you should go back to life as normal. However, life will never be normal again and we have to learn to accept that horrible phrase 'the new normal'.

The community is divided up into groups so I'm going to suggest a couple for you to join. The first is the breast cancer group where you can share experience and get support from others who will totally understand what you've been through, and the second is the life after cancer group which is a safe space to discuss things like the physical and emotional after effects of cancer, returning to work, or trying to move on with your life.

To join either or both of these groups just click on the links I've created and then choose 'click to join' or 'join' (depending on the device you're using) on the pages that open. You can then introduce yourself and post questions after selecting '+New' or '+' (again depending on the device you're using) and join in with existing conversations by clicking on 'reply'. 

When you have a minute, it would be really useful if you could pop something about your journey so far into your profile as it really helps others when answering or looking for someone with a similar diagnosis. It also means that you don't have to keep repeating yourself. To do this click on your username and then select 'Profile'. You can amend it at any time and if you're not sure what to write you can take a look at mine by clicking on my username.

Sending supportive (((hugs))) 

Hi Spouse

truly sorry to read your very heart breaking post but you have been so brave in making the leap and reaching out here.

you are going through an horrendous time right now, so many things going on, so many raw emotions, it is no wonder you feel like crying all the time, anyone would.

the future you had envisaged has been knocked sideways by this dreadful illness and you are in uncharted territory now with very little if any corresponding experience or friends in a similar situation to talk to or draw upon. A truly scary time for you. I’m hoping others here will read your post and reassure you that there are people here that have had a similar experience and can provide you support.

all relationships would be strained by the things you are going through. People cope with tragic events in their lives differently and no one can predict how they would cope with this situation until they have to live it.

im so pleased you have a loving family around you to offer support and yet as you say they won’t be able to understand exactly how you feel unless they have trodden the path that you are now on. They will be trying their utmost but it is an impossible thing. The most important thing is that they are there for you. I can remember being surrounded by family and friends but being at the same time a detachment and isolation, no one else around me got what I was going through. They tried to help me as best they knew how but I remember feeling frustrated that they just didn’t comprehend the enormity of what I was going through. I had to be very single minded and tread my own path. Do what I wanted to do, when I wanted to do it. If I wanted to go to the beach at 11pm and scream and rant at the sea in the pouring rain because that’s what I felt I needed to do, then that it is what I did.

Your husband sounds like he is in denial and in doing that, he can cope with the injustice he is having to watch you endure. I can understand that but from your post it is not helping you, the most important person at this time.

Talking, hugging and crying are the things that helped me get through my darkest days, and getting help and support from others on web sites like this over the years. I found it is so much easier to talk to a stranger because they were removed from my situation, I couldn’t cause them any upset or pain by telling them my worst fears. It also felt good to write down those fears and get them out of my head.

Do try to take small steps, trying to thing of everything in one go just becomes bewildering. Above all be good to your self and don’t set yourself targets you can’t possibly reach.

sending you the biggest cyber hug ever

Mark