Hi we just learned Thursday afternoon that my Dad has aggressive stomach cancer.
Its come out of the blue as 5 weeks ago he was a very active and "healthy" 83 year old (still acting 40, mowing lawns, cutting large laurel hedges and painting exterior of his bungalow and a holiday chalet in weeks leading upto this), and he had to go into hospital with suspected bowel blockage. Its taken until they opened him up Wednesday to find that the problem was stiomach cancer (stomach lining is covered) and his bowel is not operating, so they have advised there is nothing they could do wit what they could see so have sewn him back up and broke the news to us late Thursday afternoon. It didnt show in numerous CTs, Xrays and blood tests over the 3 weeks previous (MRI was talked about as was colooscopy but never made available), so the diagnosis has come as a complete shock, worse too that the Surgeon thinks it will be rapid.
He had to go onto a PICC line for fTPN food prior to the op, having spent the previous weeks with very little food intake as they had been treating as blockage; has NG tube extracting what little fluids currently reside in his stomach; his veins are so deep and hard to get to that there is only one canula in place, for fluid, and any meds or vitamin suplements generally have to goe via the PIC line as his arms sting to bad if they try the canula. Is on morphine as far as we understand as standard post op care, catheter too for this reason. Ankles and hands have started to suffer water retention, and he doesnt really want to eat much - he is allowed fluids so small hartley jellies, soups (the hospital ones are vile so dont appeal), icecream (too sweet), cups of tea, So very reliant on the TPN etc keeping him going.
He is mentally fit, struggling to come to terms with such a sudden diagnosis, was mobile prior to the op - though the lack of food for some weeks has made him lose weight.
We havent seen palliative care team as yet (weekends interuppting support) so really have no idea what is possible (expecially given the COVID restrictions) in terms of where and how he can live out his last days. Dad wants to come home :( We dont know what timescale the doctors estimate, too raw to ask on Thursday. And have no idea what we need to put in place to help with this, his not havig had time to prepare (so getting finaces in order), or how my Mum will handle this as she has Dry Eye Macular Degeneration plus Diabetes and has been reliant on Dad as her eye sight is failing.
To top it all I we have had to stop hospital visits today as I have developed sore throat and cough so waiting on Covid Test results in next 24-48 hours. I am really hoping its just from being run down after these weeks of stress and hell. Fortunately my brother is not in the bubble I have created with my Mum so hasnt been near me and is able to visit my Dad so he is still seeing family that way and not left alone most of the dat.
So any advice on what to do, how to prepare, what to expect in terms of deterioration and end of life, and what others have done in similar situations would be greatly appreciated.
Hi and a warm welcome to the online community
I'm very sorry to read that your dad has recently been diagnosed with incurable stomach cancer. It must be an incredibly hard time for all the family.
Hearing that a member of your family has a cancer diagnosis is an extremely distressing time but talking to others who are on the same path can really help. As the community is divided up into groups I'm going to recommend that you join the supporting someone with incurable cancer group which is a safe and supportive place to discuss your worries, talk about practical issues and get support.
To join just click on the link I've created and then choose 'click to join' or 'join' (depending on the device you're using) on the page that opens. You can then introduce yourself and post questions after selecting '+New' or '+' (again depending on the device you're using) and join in with existing conversations by clicking on 'reply'.
When you have a minute, it would be really useful if you could pop something about your dad's journey so far into your profile as it really helps others when answering or looking for someone with a similar diagnosis. It also means that you don't have to keep repeating yourself. To do this click on your username and then select 'Profile'. You can amend it at any time and if you're not sure what to write you can take a look at mine by clicking on my username.
x
"Never regret a day in your life, good days give you happiness, bad days give you experience"
